quite and thankful

I am creeping towards 37 weeks. Ok, it's tomorrow. And that magic number seems to be the point where I cross the your baby is early/this is kinda normal threshold. It is strange and surreal. I don't know what to make of it. Each day just comes and goes (this time of year helps too) so quickly.

Some things I never imagined would happen:

-I have a hospital bag packed
-The nursery is for the most part ready
-My house is clean (shhh, don't say it too loud)

My OB said at today's appointment I am the perkiest patient she has seen at this point. Honestly, I am just SO thankful to be at this point. I told her not to be fooled: I definitely have sob fests at home because my hips hurt so bad or I just peed my pants, but overall I feel SO thankful. To have a (full) term baby!

exhausted

Do you see a theme in my recent posts? On Tuesday I will be 36 weeks, which is a huge milestone. So far, so good. I've had some contractions this evening which has worried me, but overall I have been doing ok. It's hard to walk, I'm more at a "waddle" right now. I'm achy. Sleep is becoming more and more difficult. I have, for the last few weeks, consistently measured about a week ahead in belly size.

Can't complain...I am happy for each day and week, honestly. I'm trying my hardest to clean and make everything ready for Christmas, visitors, and making things as easy on D as I can after the baby is born. I have 3 musicals in the next week and 2 days at school. The thought of another 3 weeks and 2 days of teaching is daunting, but I am hoping it goes by super fast. (This time of year usually does!)

This is what a normal pregnancy feels like, I suppose. It's a good thing really: the crazy nesting, the need to clean every nook and cranny of my house, and the awareness that time is moving so quickly...how is it possible that he'll be here so soon?

32 weeks 4 days

Today is the day that I delivered the boys. 32 weeks, 4 days. I have been an emotional wreck, honestly. I cannot help but think about what I was doing at this time, the last time around. I am so thankful that I have made it this far in my pregnancy. So far, things have gone pretty well. I've got varicose veins, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I've been so tired I can barely walk some days, but it has been NOTHING like it was this time, last time.

I am so glad that I am writing this post. I have been trying hard not to be anxious. Tomorrow I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. Hoping tomorrow starts a new day, and less worry.

tired.

A week from today I will be at the exact same place I was when I delivered the boys. I am scared out of my mind, if I am telling the truth. As the "date" nears, I find myself getting more and more anxious. Anxiety over little things, and then flat out paranoia over big things.

So far everything is good, I just feel like it is the last hurdle I have to leap over. In all honesty though, I wonder if I will still feel this anxiety until the end.

It's getting harder and harder to "keep up." Cleaning, chores, the kids, and getting everything ready feels so different this time around!

Looking forward to Halloween. Can't wait to show you pictures of our costumes!!

the tader tot

Some pictures of the tader tot at 28 weeks. He looks like Summy in the eyes and nose, (and has his ginormous head) and looks a lot like Jack in the lips/chin. (And has his super long legs and fingers.)





He's measuring big... like they estimated 3 lbs 4 oz. Eek.

so sweet

Summy and Jack have been so sweet to the baby. I have to write some of the things down now so I don't forget...

Both of them have been kissing my belly and they think that in order to talk to their brother, they have to talk into my belly button.
Both love to sing songs with their mouths pressed to my belly.
Jack has decided he will do all the feeding bottles, and Summy will carry the baby everywhere.
Both have asked if the baby can sleep in their beds, and someday sleep in their bunk beds with them.
They will take a sibling care class in a few weeks, and both of them are so excited!

I know it'll be tough, especially for Jack, when the baby comes because it'll be another person to share our attention. I can't wait to see how great they are at being big brothers!

baby news!

Things have been going well this pregnancy. I will freely admit that the anxiety has increased as I get closer to the 28w mark, which is when I had the first bleed with the boys. Last evening and all through today I've had some cramping/pain, but I'm just taking it easy, and pretty sure it's because the baby is so active and everything's spreading out to make room for him to grow!

His measurements looked great, if not slightly ahead of schedule. He's got really long arms! He's also extremely active...I've been feeling kicks since 17 weeks!

We were both shocked that "he" was not a "she." For some reason we'd both had a feeling it was a girl this time around, but we've both really warmed up to the idea of another boy...we sure know how to handle boys already!

A slight pang of fear over autism/sensory issues/etc. also haunted me, but I've tried to put it out of my mind.

So...another boy for us!

journey

So I was quiet about it. Secondary infertility. We tried on our own for a mere 6 months this time before starting IUI cycles. As you can imagine, we were petrified that we would have twins again. We decided not to trigger with anything more than one follicle. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. By IUI cycle 3, we had 2, and we bit the bullet and tried it.

Needless to say it didn't matter because all of our treatment cycles were a bust. I was devastated. Sometimes I felt like we were just flushing money down a toilet. I was angry too: at my body, at the clinic which I thought let us down...I made a new plan: save more money and try again in the summer. (2011) I figured it was our last shot.

I felt sooo hungry at Easter. My sister made the most delicious dessert and I couldn't stop eating it. I had lost about 25 pounds over the last 9 months by watching what I ate and trying to eat more veggies. But I was surprised by my appetite and I just felt funny.

The next morning I realized AF was late. I tested, and got a faint positive. I was in shock. After all this time, my body was actually working?!? The test itself was so old, (HA! Thanks again infertility!) we didn't know whether to be excited or not...I was worried it was a false positive. I certainly didn't feel like I had when I was pregnant with the boys.

The next day I took a digital. Positive. Still in shock.

Two betas later, not only am I pregnant but my numbers are REALLY high...as in "are you having multiples?" high.

At 6 weeks I started having doubled-over sobbing cramping. I called my OB and went in to the ER. They drew tons of blood, they did an hour long u/s, and saw no fetal pole. At first they told me it was fine...I could have ovulated late (as I thought) and that was why...but then they got the blood work back and told me I *should* have seen more with the betas as high as they were. (30,000) We were devastated.

A week later I went in to the OB and we saw the heartbeat, but everything was measuring a week behind. Again, she cautioned us not to tell anyone, or get too excited, but it was a step in the right direction.

As of today, everything is measuring on track. I've had 4 ultrasounds, including one level 2, and I'll have the next this week. Strangely, it's still not completely sinking in...it seems so surreal.

there's been a reason things have been so quiet....

And here it is!

I am thrilled to announce that we are expecting baby #3 in December! It has been a very long journey, and we couldn't be more excited. The boys cannot wait for "their" baby to be born! In the beginning they actually thought there were two based off my hormone levels, but thankfully there is only one. I guess I finally have a "taderbaby!"

Another milestone, another minor scare, and nursery is done!

Well, here we are! 32 weeks today! We both are so thankful and excited to have made it to this point, and are starting to feel some of the pressure lifting. Once we make it to 34 weeks, I'll have to start facing the reality that I could have the babies! LOL! Every time something happens I keep saying "they can't come yet" but soon I won't be able to say that. I can't say how excited I am that 32w is here!

We had another scare this morning. I woke up to a little more bleeding again, and we had to return to labor and delivery. Luckily, no hospital stay required this time! They concluded the babies again were so active, they were irritating everything so much that it caused more bleeding...but that everything is OK. As I keep saying, they checked and declared the "door to be shut and locked" so hopefully they'll continue cooking!

I had my first contractions, and then BH contractions later on Thursday. I now seem to have them every once in a while. Scary to think that right now my uterus is the size of a 40w full term singelton pregnancy. I guess irritation is to be expected!

And in other news, Erin and Josh came over on Friday night and we worked till the wee hours and got the nursery ready. It is, for the most part, done. I love the way the wall dots turned out, and I feel a lot better knowing that we are that much closer to being "ready." David also washed everything, and he scrubbed and washed the carseats, bouncer, and swing parts/coverings. They are ready to go!

Here's an updated nursery picture:

Updated belly pics

I've put updated belly pics in my nest bio. There's a link in the blog. I'm working on two my mom took trying to get them to look good in black and white...having photoshop issues. Wait...here they are!

Hilarity of the day: I kept telling D my coat (really his coat his parents bought that I stole for myself) was not fitting. Today on the way out of Kroger, after sitting down in the car, the zipper split up from the bottom because it was so tight. David had to put his head on the steering wheel he laughed so hard.

Gems of the day from random people:

"Oh twins are WAY easier than one." (From a lady who didn't have twins and was in the ped. office this morning.)

"Are they naural?" (From an older lady who just got done telling us 2 boys would be horrible and was at the pharmacy.)

David actually responded "As far as we know" She then went on and on about how awful infertility treatments are. I could have punched her.

UGH!

We were doing pretty good on the comments, really, but since I've been allowed to go out a little in the last few days, they seem to be nonstop.

Good news

Well, meant to post on Sunday, but we made it to 30 weeks. Big milestone!

Dr V said I am let off of complete jail time today, and I can now go out of the house 1-2 hours a day. Hooray. I have to take it easy though, and any problems and I'm back on strict bedrest.

We got some nursery stuff done and bedding in. Waiting on wall dots and then David to hang some stuff up.

Dr. V is cautiously saying that I might be able to try half days back at school in 2 weeks.

The babies looked good and are still really active. hbs were 148 and 153 today. Both are still head down.

2 more weeks until the perinatologist and another baby weigh-in.


In the bad news:

David and I are not having the best time. We seem to be aggravating and upsetting each other.

I didn't gain any weight this time: still only up 23 lbs, which isn't enough.

I have to see the evil diabetes doctors on Thursday, and start pricking my finger a billion times a day. Can you tell it's stressing me out?

News from bedrestland

I have gestational diabetes. I am frustrated. I failed the 3 hours test, but in a random way: my fasting and 3 hour numbers were good, but the 1 and 2 hour numbers were not. So in my mind, that means I am breaking down the glucose, just not fast enough. Isn't that a twin/2 placenta thing? I'm not too worried, but am very annoyed/frustrated. I'm really scared to have to monitor my sugar and prick my finger 5 times a day. I'm sad I can't eat things I want or crave. I'm worried I'm not gaining enough weight for the babies...

I'm currently only up 23 lbs

And the ffn test came back positive again, so I am on bedrest until 2/13 which is a little over 32 weeks. Then she plans to re-assess. And bedrest is awful. It sounds like it would be all bonbons and relaxing, but I'm on the phone nonstop with doctors, school, friends and family...and I'm bored, and uncomfortable. Caitlin brought me her laptop and that's about the only thing keeping me sane. All I want to do is clean and I can't.

I have a new song for the babies to add to turaluralura, which is bicycle built for 2. They seem to like it too.

My next OB appt. is Tuesday, and my appt with the "diabetes people" is on Thursday afternoon. I really don't want to prick my finger. did I mention that? My fingers don't want me to prick my fingers either.

The babies were almost 3 lbs at the last appt, so they seem to keep growing. All I had gained was 1 lb.

Pleasedon'tmakemeprickmyfinger!

David's been stressed out and cranky. I think he's really worried about me, and he doesn't know how to say it. Last night while he was sleeping I asked if he was worried and he said "yes" but when I ask him normally he says no. I wish he turned worry into cleaning power, but he seems to turn it into vegging and sleeping. I think it's his way to deal. I feel bad asking him to do everything for me, and I feel like I am nagging. Today he said he's got a list of things to do after work, so we shall see...

More pics...28w1d

Baby B's face in 2d

Baby A's foot, and "twin A is still a boy"

Two little baby noggins right next to each other

We finally meet Baby B face to face!

hospital, part deux

So we went back to labor and delivery last night. They were afraid my amniotic fluid was leaking, but it turns out it wasn't. Thank heavens! They ran the ffn test again (can tell with over 99% accuracy if I will deliver in the next 2 weeks) but we found out today it was + again...it was tainted with old blood. So bedrest still, and then another re-test on Monday. Hopefully we'll see a negative then!

In other news, I failed my glucose test, and have to go in Monday morning for a big 3 hour fasting test. So it looks like Monday's another day at the hospital...fun....not!

Repost of what I posted on the nest/in the hospital!

From Erin:

Without going into all the gory details, Meghan had to go to the hospital last night. Both her & the babies are doing well and she will be able to leave on Sun. Unfortunately, from here on out she is on bedrest. (Which sounds kind of nice, but leaves alot of important things undone.) So if you could send prayers/ good thoughts her way that she feels better and doesn't stress out and that there aren't any further complications,that would be much appreciated. :) erin

From me: update on Sunday after being released

Sat at 3 am I woke to a huge amount of bleeding. I've never been so scared in my life, and thankfully, by the grace of God, they are still in there, After finding out they were still OK in there, they started asking us about delivery, and asked if we wanted to know about survival rates. I hope I never am asked that again.I was admitted, and thankfully the bleeding stopped. So far, so good. They think my cervix may have shortened, and that might have caused it. we're now in a frantic dash to try and ready ourselves in case. I go back tomorrow and might be readmitted depending on what the perinatologist says...The funny part is that the tots were so excited every time they heard their heartbeats, they tried to kick the monitors off! I've never been so thankful to have such active boys!I'm setting small goals: right now it's 30w, 2 weeks from today. I'm still holding out hope for good news tomorrow.I'll try to keep you updated, I can use D's laptop today (it's for work) but I am going to have serious nest withdrawal...LOL! I might be allowed to get online 15 or 30 min a day...we'll see.Thanks everyone for the prayers...keep them coming, their what helped us get PG in the first place. I am just glad everyone's healthy/alive/OK. We appreciate the offers of help, but because there's a high chance they will be here early, we may need more help later, and we're covered for now. Signing off from the unfun bedrest..lets hope it's a long one...Meghan, David, and the tots.:)

And today's update:

So the news is great! I went in and both babies are still well, and my cervix is measuring 30, which is really good for twins. I'm going in to work tomorrow, but then taking Wed-Mon off. There's a special test they can run that has over 99% accuracy in determining if I will deliver in the next 2 weeks. They ran it today but because it was tainted with old blood b/c of the hospitilization, it came back false +. On Monday they'll run it again and if I get a -, I am good to go. If I get a +, it's one more wek of bedrest, and then another test.I thank all of you for your prayers. I truly think that they made the difference. I am obviously going to be taking it VERY easy for the next week. We're pretty drianed emotionally and mentally (and me physically) after all of this. Your support really helped me feel better, and this latest good news made me feel even more hopeful I may still go for a while. I have everything crossed.On an ironic note, baby A's head is in the 99th percentile it is so huge. Guess I have a new thing to worry about...LOL!

The Belly Brace has landed

Hooray for the belly brace. I'm on day 2 with the support hose for vericose veins, and the belly brace, courtesy of http://www.prenatalcradle.com/. I say hooray for it. It's seeming to help a lot so far. I'll take anything, really, if it means less pain in the hoo-hah. I'm sporting the "plus" version, for those who need to be in the know.

And sadly, I STILL haven't been able to really do anything with the e-mail. One of my survey companies threatened to disown me.

I also got the 411 on maternity leave today. 10 weeks from Sunday...keep those babies in there!

Long time, no update!

Sorry I haven't updated for a while! I had a doctor's appointment on the 2nd, and the babies looked good...and for the second time in a row, they had the same heartbeat, both 146! I think they must be rhythmic, because it is so cool/strange they'd be the same! even the doctor commented on it! She also said she wanted me to come and have another appt. the 15th. It'll be a busy day: diabetes testing, rhogam shot, OB appt, and perinatologist appt/level 2 ultrasound. WHEW! David's going to be coming as well. It's a baby-afternoon.

I got a prescription for support hose b/c of developing vericose veins, and I am going to get a belly brace thing today, in about 30 minutes. Also, my mom got me a cot to lie on in the storage room next to my music room at school...thank heavens. My principals weren't so accomodating about trying to help me avoid standing during my daily duties...but you know me, I'm still fighting the battle!

In other news, D has begun nesting mania. This weekend he replaced the kitchen sink, all the fixtures, and the fixtures in the shower. I wasn't the most happy, because the sink in the kitchen is STILL leaking, and it makes him cranky and tired. The work he did is really awesome, and he did a great job...now I need him to "nest" by helping me with baby stuff I need done!

The countdown has begun. 11 weeks from today is my 38 week appt. where she wants to induce! Man it's coming fast! 2 ladies at school are hosting a shower for me for people I teach with that are my friends. I thought it was SO nice! Also last week, the librarian's mom knitted 2 blankets for the babies, and our fabulous "surrogate mom" who will watch the babies next year brought me a care bag with strtch mark cream and cookies among other things. It made me cry.

Seeing babies kick from the outside!

We had a wonderful Christmas, and really it was a bit nostalgic...we keep talking about how different next year will be with the babies! I think New Year's will be more of the same...next year is going to bring about a new chapter in our lives...

I was so excited yesterday that I saw the babies kick and move my shirt for the first time. They're really active, but their kicks and punches are definitely getting stronger. It was really cool to see!

Our next doctor's appt. is January 2nd, I'll probably go alone as David really needs to save time for when the babies come.

3D pictures!

Here they are! The first is baby A. It kind of scares me a little...The second one is an amazing picture of baby A's face.

Baby B! Baby B is our shy guy. He was in the fetal position, and we didn't get the best face view in the second picture, mainly the ear, and side of his head!