Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Best day of my life

Somehow my husband and I got onto the conversational topic of the best day of our life. I quickly said "our wedding day was the best day of my life! Wasn't it beautiful? It was so amazing."

Then I stopped myself. Wait a minute, wasn't the day I had the boys the best day of my life? I got a little teary and my husband immediately knew where I was going with my thoughts. (He could read it on my face, I didn't need to say a word.) He said "no, the day you had them wasn't the best day of your life, quite possibly, it was your worst."

When I was going through infertility, I used to watch the baby story with a passion. I'd sit and sob my eyes out at the beauty of every birth. I'd dream about my own baby. As time passed, and I couldn't get pregnant, my drive to watch the baby story waned. By the end of it all, I got physically angry when I saw a pregnant woman. They seemed to be everywhere.

My own delivery was no walk in the park. After almost dying, and almost losing both boys, I developed post traumatic stress disorder. Definitely not what I would call the best day of my life.

I know that I am mentally ready to have another baby. (Although our budget isn't yet, ha!) Once again, the t.v. remote seems to change on its own to TLC just in time for me to see some glowing woman pop out a baby with a few pushes. I still cry a tear, but this time it's for a few reasons. I cry because I grieve the birthing experience I never got to have. I cry because I worry what infertility will deal me this time around. And I cry because I wish I had been able to say the day I gave birth to my boys was the best day of my life. In some ways, infertility dealt me another forceful blow that day they cut me open before I was asleep, and pulled my babies out. It took away my ability to call the day I met my children the best day of my life.




p.s. tomorrow is my 3 year blogaversary!!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Birth Story

At 27w and 6d, I went in to L&D at Riverside hospital because I woke up in a huge pool of blood. It was super scary, and I was admitted and released the next day...they couldn't find a cause for the bleeding, and my cervix was long and closed. I was put on bedrest.At my 30w appt there were no signs of progression, so I was let up for 1-2 hours out of the house a day.31w and 4d, I felt some contractions...fairly regular. OB told me to watch, but didn't end up going in.At 32w exactly, 2/11, I found a little bit of blood in the morning when I used the restroom, and went back to L&D after Dr. asked me to. They checked me, and saw no progression and everything looked good, so they sent me home with the directions to call with any more blood.At about 8:30 pm that evening at home I checked and found a little more blood. I was pretty scared and the OB on call told me I would have to go back in and be readmitted. I was so scared. We went in, and everything checked out OK. They admitted me and I went to the high risk floor. We settled in to sleep, and then I woke up to go to the bathroom at 3:30 am, and had a huge gush of blood and a clot when getting up...and they checked and I was not dialated. At 8:30 am I bled more and they checked me and I was dialated to 3. They wheeled me down to the labor and delivery floor, and drugged me all up with magnesium sulfate, which ended up stopping/slowing the contractions. I stayed in Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday in labor and delivery since it was touch and go. Throughout the contractions would start again, but we managed them and they were almost stopped.At 11pm Wed 2/14 they moved me back up to the high risk floor. They told me they thought they'd stopped it. I started contracting again...we monitored and I went to sleep.***WARNING: SCARY***At a little before 5 am I woke to a feeling something was wrong...and a few minutes later...WOOSH! A huge clot and blood everywhere. They told me not to worry...we'd stop it. About 10 minutes later-- WOOSH again, and more and more. Checked again-I am now 5 cm. They started talking about vaginal birth and started wheeling me to labor and delivery. David looked very pale and they tried to calm me. I could tell it was bad by his face.More bleeding on the way down, and first they are talking still about vaginal birth, that it would be ok, and that they had seen people lose more blood. They decide to check the babies on the monitor, and then they start talking about a C section. They say I am losing too much blood. An anesthesiologist comes in and discusses epidurals, etc. Just then another contraction...WOOOSH! More bleeding and clotting and it isn't stopping. Now everyone starts running around. The blood won't stop and they try to get the babies on the monitor and one baby's hb is dropping. I can see David across the room and time stops. I don't remember much of getting down the hallway, but I am in an OR, and I can hear the babies heartbeats getting slower and slower. They throw me on a table and anesthesia tells me that I will go under. I hear them yelling hurry, and I am gone.Meanwhile, David is outside the OR door and can hear what is going on, but can't see. He's pretty upset, and crying. He hears one baby cry, and waits for another one to cry. Then he hears a second baby make a "grunting" noise. They bring David Sumner and he held him for a minute and they wheel Jack out. They put Sumner in the same incubator and everyone goes to the NICU. He keeps asking about me, then they tell him I am OK and will be in recovery.At 5:34 am 2/15 both Sumner Riley (4lbs 1 oz, 16 3/4 inches) and Jackson Finley (4lbs 2oz, 17 3/4 inches) are born. Doctors don't know for sure which one was "baby A" as we'd called him through the pregnancy as there is so much blood and a huge clot when they get me open, they can't see babies...they pull them both out, pretty much simultaneously. The Doctors determine that I bled because of Placental Abruption. we still have no idea why it happened. Being pregnant with twins is a risk factor.They cut me from top to bottom on the outside, but side to side on the inside, and say I might "possibly" be able to have a VBAC if I get PG again. They tell me I lost 2700 ccs of blood, and I am very lucky I don't need transfusions. They wheel me in NICU on the way to recovery and let me see (I have no glasses on and I am doped out) the babies. I cry b/c they tell me babies will possibly go to another city...no more NICU room in Columbus hospitals.Thankfully, Jack and Sumner stay here. I get to see them for the first time Friday and hold them for the first time Saturday. Sumner was on room air in an incubator, and Jack was on a CPAP machine to help him breathe and in an incubator. Both have BILI lights all day for jaundice.Today, Jack is off CPAP and has a small breathing tube in his nose. Both are "breastfeeding" (taking my milk through a tube) and under the BILI lights in their incubators to bring their jaundice numbers down. We have no real estimate on when they will be home...we're hoping 3 weeks, but it all depends on their ability to mature.I plan to post pics tonight. Whew that was long! And scary!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The boys are here!



I just wanted to let you all know that after some hospital time, (I was admitted on Feb 11th) and a very scary delivery, our boys are here! Sumner Riley and Jackson Finley were both born at 5:34 am on 2/15. Sumner weighed 4 lbs 1 oz and Jackson weighed 4 lbs 2 oz. They were born at 32w 4d, after a placental abruption, via c-section, and I was knocked out under general anesthesia. We are so thankful they are both doing well, and in the care of the Riverside NICU unit. Thanks for all your kind thoughts and well wishes...they helped me get through bedrest, and much hospital time. I'm hoping to be released Monday or Tuesday. I will post pictures and a birth story tomorrow.