journey

So I was quiet about it. Secondary infertility. We tried on our own for a mere 6 months this time before starting IUI cycles. As you can imagine, we were petrified that we would have twins again. We decided not to trigger with anything more than one follicle. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. By IUI cycle 3, we had 2, and we bit the bullet and tried it.

Needless to say it didn't matter because all of our treatment cycles were a bust. I was devastated. Sometimes I felt like we were just flushing money down a toilet. I was angry too: at my body, at the clinic which I thought let us down...I made a new plan: save more money and try again in the summer. (2011) I figured it was our last shot.

I felt sooo hungry at Easter. My sister made the most delicious dessert and I couldn't stop eating it. I had lost about 25 pounds over the last 9 months by watching what I ate and trying to eat more veggies. But I was surprised by my appetite and I just felt funny.

The next morning I realized AF was late. I tested, and got a faint positive. I was in shock. After all this time, my body was actually working?!? The test itself was so old, (HA! Thanks again infertility!) we didn't know whether to be excited or not...I was worried it was a false positive. I certainly didn't feel like I had when I was pregnant with the boys.

The next day I took a digital. Positive. Still in shock.

Two betas later, not only am I pregnant but my numbers are REALLY high...as in "are you having multiples?" high.

At 6 weeks I started having doubled-over sobbing cramping. I called my OB and went in to the ER. They drew tons of blood, they did an hour long u/s, and saw no fetal pole. At first they told me it was fine...I could have ovulated late (as I thought) and that was why...but then they got the blood work back and told me I *should* have seen more with the betas as high as they were. (30,000) We were devastated.

A week later I went in to the OB and we saw the heartbeat, but everything was measuring a week behind. Again, she cautioned us not to tell anyone, or get too excited, but it was a step in the right direction.

As of today, everything is measuring on track. I've had 4 ultrasounds, including one level 2, and I'll have the next this week. Strangely, it's still not completely sinking in...it seems so surreal.