Pre-K Graduation

Today Summy and Jack graduated from pre-k. They sang songs, they got a "diploma," It was wonderful. It amazes me every day how far they have come.

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testing, testing...

Is this thing on?

We've begun testing with a top neuropsych for Jack, and appointment number two is tomorrow. I am anxious to see what the testing and observation uncovers, but I am very thankful that we have started down the path to better understanding both boys.

Sumner, on the other hand, will begin testing with a psychologist shortly.

Both boys continue to have accidents. It is SO frustrating. I pray and pray we can get to the bottom of what exactly is going on and can get them to stop. My private fear is that they will struggle in kindergarten socially if other kids figure out they are having accidents. I keep trying to explain this to them, but I feel like it is only making us all more frustrated. Sometimes they get teary and say "I promise I'm not doing it on purpose." It breaks my heart because I feel like we've taken a thousand steps back. I've decided if we don't see improvement soon, like in the next month, I'm going to call the pediatrician about it. I've been following the guidelines in the book I posted about, and I believe we have things "moving" but I'm not sure how much damage they've already done internally.

Kindergarten registration is only a few short weeks away. I cannot believe it. I am so excited for them to start kindergarten. My only fears are them overcoming some of the things we have been dealing with.

We started with a new OT (our previous, fabulous one found a new, really great for her, job) and she is also really fabulous. At first I worried she wasn't pushing them enough but Summy's melted down after the last two sessions which tells me that it is hard. My heart broke on Friday because while waiting for Jack's turn with the OT, Summy laid on the floor and spun the wheel of a balance bike over and over and over. (Stimming.) He was also repeating a phrase from a song over and over. It's moments like these my anxiety starts to rise and I have to try and calm myself. Mommy fears. I repeat this mantra to myself:

"My children are amazing, special, and I am blessed we are all here and I have their lives and my own life. They are never going to look the way others expect them to, but instead I need to take a deep breath and learn from them."

I know it is a double edged sword the idea that they will attend the school I work at. It will be impossible for others not to judge them, and in turn judge me. I know we have done enormous amounts of work with them and they have made amazing strides. I have to stay firm in my knowledge that those people who will nay-say them, put them down, or judge them negatively cannot affect me. I have to let it roll off of me like rain and focus on raising my beautiful boys. Sometimes that is easier said than done, but it has to happen. I continue to be as open as I can about them, hoping that our journey can help others.

all grown up

We saved the gift cards Nana and Papa gave the boys for Christmas, and we went to try out some "big boy bikes." Much to our surprise, they were totally ready for 16" bikes with training wheels! They LOVE riding them, and it is so hard to imagine that only 1 year ago they struggled to even ride tricycles!

potty training, part deux

I attempted to potty train Summy over spring break. Day 1 went really well, and day 2 he was sobbing and begging for his diapers back. I knew he wasn't ready. He had been successfully going at home and at daycare, without consistency, and Jack hadn't gone once on the potty.

Today I decided to try round 2. Both boys. Jack had used our home potty a few times, and so we started the day in underwear. Much to my surprise Jack has been successful and stayed dry the whole day, whereas Summy's had 3 accidents and hasn't gone in a potty yet. My kids never cease to amaze!

I am just going to keep plugging along with Summy. He needs to potty train, and I know he can do it, I am just concerned it will become a power struggle. Anyone out there have advice on that?

giving up the paci

If there is one thing my boys love, it is sucking on their pacis. Perhaps it was the NICU, perhaps it is a sensory/calming thing: they love those green hospital pacis they got waaaay back when. They use them primarily for naps and bedtime.

We decided to take the plunge on Friday night. We took all the pacis we could wrangle up and put them into a bag. We took the bag to the mailbox so we could "mail them to the babies at the hospital." It seemed too easy.

Friday night was hell for Jack. Summy calmly rolled over and went to bed. (Color me surprised, Mr. must-stick-to-my-rigid-routine!) Jack, however, snotty and dripping with a disgusting cold, proceeded to scream for the next, oh, 3 hours. And then again from 12-1 am. Joy.

Saturday went only slightly better with a bedtime hovering around 10:30-11ish.

Sunday was a dream....it worked! Free at last!

(Did I mention the boys weren't napping now that the pacis were gone? Clearly they were tired, but I digress...)

And then there's tonight. The boys have been in bed for an hour, and I think they might be down now finally, but I am not holding my breath. I just went up again after hearing the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor above me.

God help me, I hope potty training is easier!

new view

Tonight we finally turned our kid's car seats forward facing.

Let me rephrase that. My husband and our friend turned them forward facing. We'd been talking about doing it "this summer" and with Nana and Papa's impending surprise visit, (hooray!) and 15 more days of school left, the time was right this evening.

I can't help but feel sad about it though. Deep down inside I am a hippie. I am a extended breastfeeding (18 and 21 months thank you!) milk donating, baby-wearing, extended rear-facing mama. If I had my wits about me and my kids hadn't been premature I might have done cloth diapers too. Something makes me so sad about them facing forward, and growing up. (Could they read it on my face? Jack was actually scared. I digress...) Summy frequently tells me "Mama, I'm growing up! See, I'm growing bigger!" To which my inner heart screams "Nooooooooooo!"

It's their new view on the world. It's my secret fear. I worry about their every move, but it's been tough since they were in a car accident at just over a year old that totaled our car and sent them to the hospital. (Summy was actually hurt.) Nothing could be done about the man who rear ended David at 50 mph while he was stopped at the red light. They were content rear-facing, but they were pretty much at the height limit. Weight limit? HA! They'd be 18 years old before they hit 33 pounds!

It's just another step in the growing up process that leaves me misty eyed and feeling like my babies aren't babies anymore.

First day of (pre)school!

Well, the day I had been secretly both excited for and dreading happened! Today was the boys' first day of special needs preschool. After a huge meltdown from both of them about putting their harnesses on, we wrangled them into the car. We arrived at their daycare and commenced our nervous wait. Unfortunately, we quickly realized that they had forgotten to pick them up! Finally, they were picked up and on their way. The hooks for their harnesses were set for bigger kids so they look strange in the pictures. They had a wonderful day and even though Summy said "mama, I'm scared" when the bus pulled up, they made it through without a tear. Summy, as you will see in the pictures, chose a full sized backpack almost as big as he is!

To my boys on their third birthday

Sumner,

I cannot believe you are three years old today. It seems like just yesterday I dreamed of you, I felt you kicking, I saw you in that incubator. With every year you get older, I wonder how it is possible for my heart to feel so much more love, but yet, it does.

This year has been huge for you. We moved to our "new house" as you call it, "the white one." With that move came the understanding of you a little better. Sensory Processing Disorder was just the label, but we started to understand YOU, to unlock YOU. You didn't give us kisses, or hugs, or say you loved us in the spring. You didn't ride the carousel, you didn't slide or swing. You were paralyzed with fear. Now you do all of that and more. I never imagined. I am so proud of you. This year you changed as a person in ways I never dreamed it could.

You still love animals with every bone in your body. Maybe someday you'll be a veterinarian. You try to tell jokes, and you love to make us laugh. Your laugh is so infectious that once when you laughed in the lobby of a restaurant while we were waiting to eat, 15 other people laughed with you. You give the biggest hugs now and insist all your kisses are "on the mouth." When you dance, it looks like you are galloping. You love to dance. The things you say are funny, and smart, and amaze me. When they tested you last month, some of your language tested at the level of a 5 year old. You amaze everyone you talk to.

You are so smart! Letters, colors, numbers, shapes. You have them down pat. You come up with elaborate ideas and act them out now with your brother. You told me tonight that my hair is beautiful. You see things I never see, and seeing the world through your eyes amazes me.

Every night when you tell me you love me, when I am shutting the gate to your room, my heart melts a little more. Someday soon you'll be a boy, and a man. I am so glad that I have the honor of raising you. Happy third birthday, Summy. I love you.

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Jack,

Today you are three. I have gotten so used to calling you and your brother "the babies" or "my babies." Well today I realized that you aren't a baby any longer. Today I feel like you are a boy. I never imagined when you were that tiny thing looking so helpless and strapped to a cpap machine that you would become the darling, sweet, and loving boy you are today.

This year has brought a lot of changes for you too. We learned more about why you are always falling down. I thought you were clumsy, maybe like me, but I am learning so much about you and so much through you. Sensory Processing Disorder is what we learned it is called, but you rose above what we thought you could possibly do. By the end of this summer you were more aware, more careful. You also came through your therapy with a curiosity to learn, and learn you did. After you got your glasses this fall you started learning your numbers and letters so quickly. Now you know almost all of them. You love to learn and I am amazed with all that you know.

You love to draw and color, and frequently we find you have drawn all over something you weren't supposed to. Your Daddy's work notes are scribbled all over with "Jack" handwriting. You make the most hilarious voices. Each of your stuffed animals (which you love) has it's own voice. You feed them, put them to bed, and take care of them just like a mother. You are so nurturing. You worry about everyone in the house and always check to make sure we are OK. You are so polite and always say please and thank you. I am so proud of you for being so kind to others.

You love to be tickled and you seem to be quite the "mama's boy." You love to snuggle and just yesterday we spent 10 minutes snuggling together under the blanket pretending we were hiding from a dragon. You love to make others laugh, and you wear your heart on your sleeve, just like me. I love you even more for that.

When I look at you, I see myself. Sometimes that scares me. How did I get the opportunity to raise such a sweet, handsome, smart little man? Before I know it, you'll be a man. What a wonderful boy you are turning out to be. I love you, Jack.


love,

mommy

Birthday Party!

Yesterday the boys went to chuck e cheese for their birthday. They had been once before and Sumner had a very difficult time, but this time he did MUCH better! I cannot believe how much fun we had, and how lucky we are to have such happy, healthy, and darling (almost) 3 year olds!

Do you know what joy is?

Joy is my children being accepted into the special needs preschool. There aren't words for my joy right now.

Elmo themed birthday party pictures

The boys had an Elmo theme for their second birthday. I didn't make their cake this year, I bought it from Kroger, but I was so pleased with how it turned out. We had about 20 people show up to celebrate, and many who sent well-wishes from afar. The boys had a good time, and got lots of wonderful things. We had a great time, and it was nice to make a memory in a house we love, and will miss dearly.