To Jackson, on your seventh birthday

To Jackson, on your seventh birthday,

I cannot believe that you are seven years old today. It seems like just yesterday you were a tiny baby waving his arms like a conductor in that incubator. This birthday was a hard one for me as last night daddy got out all of your things from the NICU and showed them to you. You wanted to hear about what it was like when you were born.

It was so scary when you were born, but I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that my life would be forever different. You are so stubborn and when you get it in your mind that you are doing something, you WANT to do it! Sometimes it is hard knowing how to calm you and boost you up when you are feeling like you cannot do something. Learning these things has been a great challenge for me as a parent but seeing you succeed is a huge reward.

This year you lost your first tooth jumping on the bed at Disney! When Sumner was scared at Disney, you held his hand and helped him through every step of the rides he practiced in OT. You graduated from kindergarten and started first grade. You love to read and you told me your favorite subject is "read to self" from the daily 5. You love to invent things and check out lots of books about scientists and inventors so you can learn about how they created their famous inventions. You have a beautiful singing voice and you are so musical. You played t-ball and football. You had a speaking part in the kindergarten musical. You care for stuffed animals and people like a little mother hen and you are always wanting to cuddle and hug.

I love you for your caring and kindness and your huge heart. You love things so openly and wholly that sometimes your heart gets broken. You are such a good big brother to Truman and he loves to play with you. You make him laugh and you watch out and care for him. You know just what to say when someone needs a kind word or is feeling sad. You have such a way with people. You are a smart, funny, caring, sweet and thoughtful boy. I am beyond lucky to have you.

I love you Jackson. Happy birthday!

Love, Mommy

To Sumner, on your seventh birthday

To Sumner, on your seventh birthday,

I cannot believe that you are seven years old today. It seems like just yesterday your head fit in the palm of my hand. This birthday was a hard one for me as last night daddy got out all of your things from the NICU and showed them to you. You wanted to hear about what it was like when you were born.

Our life changed. It changed a lot. I changed for the better when I had you. I sometimes do not know what to make of you. You are stubborn and strong-willed and sometimes your anxiety makes you do things you don't mean to. You make me a better mom because you challenge me each day to think of ways to better parent you. I love you for it and I want you to know I will always love you, no matter what.

This year you lost your first tooth. We went to Disney and you rode rides you were way too afraid to before. You graduated from kindergarten and started first grade. You love to read and you told me your favorite subject is P.E. You love science and study rocks and minerals all the time. You love non-fiction books the most and can spend hours reading facts about animals, rocks, or weather. You have a beautiful singing voice and you are so musical. You played t-ball and football. You had a speaking part in the kindergarten musical. You started writing us little notes and sticking them up all over the house. You are constantly saying and writing things that make us laugh so much!

I love you for your intelligence and the literal way you look at the world. You have a heart of gold and you love animals so much. Your face lights up when you pick up and pet Bode or one of the other cats. You love Truman and are such a good big brother to him. You love to tell jokes and you love Minecraft. You have such a thirst for knowledge and you are like a sponge, sucking in every bit of information you can get. You still want to be a scientist and police officer. You are smart, funny, caring, sweet and a great boy. I am beyond lucky to have you.

I love you Sumner. Happy birthday!

Love, Mommy

To Truman on your first birthday

Truman,

It is hard to believe that today you are one year old. It seems like just yesterday I was waiting for you, and so excited to meet you. What a wonderful year it has been. We could have never imagined how easy-going and loving you would be!

The last year has brought a lot of changes for you! You were an easy baby: easy to feed, you slept a lot (still do!) and it was rare to hear you cry. From the beginning you won us over with your charm and happy disposition. You have blossomed into a sweet little toddler. You have six teeth! You cruise, crawl, and power around the house almost as quick as your brothers now. Tonight you took 3 steps in a row!

You adore your brothers. You first word might have been "dada," but it was soon followed by "Jack" and "Sum." Now you say "mama," "ba ba," "bye,"and "uh oh" as well. You want to play with and be around your brothers so much. Whatever they tell you to do, you do it unquestioningly. You are pretty sure that you are just as grown up as them, and if not, you sure want to be. However, you don't let them push you around by any means. You hold your own just fine!

You love your taggie and the paci they gave you at the hospital. You love to pet the cats, turn the Christmas tree on and off, and you have a bit of an ornery streak. If we take our eyes off of you for a second and you get the chance, you are up the stairs in a blink of an eye. You are fearless. You are funny. You are sweet.

I couldn't have imagined that I would be so lucky as to get the chance to meet you. You are a joy and my life is better because you are in it.

Daddy and I love you so much! We cannot wait to see what the next year holds for you. Happy first birthday, Truman!

To Jackson, on your 5th birthday

Jack,

Last night when I was tucking you both in, we talked about how you were going to be 5 today. You knew right away what was going to happen, and you took my face in your hands and said "Mommy, don't cry." You giggled because you told me that I wanted to shrink you up and make you little again. If only you really knew how hard it is as a mother to want your children to grow, but how your heart hurts when it happens.

This year has been so good for you. You are so smart. You can remember something you've seen for an amazing amount of time. (We'll be in the car and you remember where all your classmates on the bus live.) You also have the amazing ability to read how someone is feeling immediately. You are so sensitive and caring, much more than any other boy I have met your age. You know how to diffuse a situation, (And sometimes make it a bit worse!) and you know how to make other people laugh when they are mad or sad. I was reprimanding you the other night and you made my mouth move and said "You are so fabulous, Jackson." I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Gone is that tiny 4 pound baby who couldn't breathe on his own and waved his arms about in the incubator. Instead a skinny, giggly boy with glasses who loves to be the boss and is always creating some kind of crazy invention. You have a connection with Truman that amazes me. Don't get me wrong, you were jealous when he was born, but I know that someday you will have him wrapped around your little finger. You also love to "mother" your stuffed animals. You current obsession? A stuffed hot potato.

You cannot wait for kindergarten and you have so many friends and family you love dearly. You could talk to a wall for hours and never tire (inherited that from me!) and you are friendly to everyone you meet. Sometimes school can be hard for you, and make you tired, but you have such a desire to please.

Happy birthday to my sweet, smart, funny and thoughtful little boy. You make my heart melt and you have made my life so full. I love you.

To Sumner, on your 5th birthday

Sumner,

Last night when I tucked you into bed, I told you it was my last time putting you to bed as a 5 year old. You sat and talked about how excited you were to go to kindergarten, and laughed about how grown up you were going to be. How is it possible that my tiny 4 pound baby is so grown up?

This year has been a great one for you. You are so smart. You love to talk and can really talk people's ear off. (I know you inherited this from me!) You started reading this year...a little bit right after you turned four and now you can read very well. You remember pretty much anything you have been told, which is amazing. Your mind is like a steel trap. You like going to preschool, and daycare, but you love "Mommy Daddy days." You look forward to wearing pajamas all day and playing with your brother. When we ask you who your best friend is, you always answer "Jackson."

You've started to make real friends. You know who you like to play with and you have so many people in your life that you love. Sometimes I wonder if you ever meet someone who is not a friend. You struggled when I was in the hospital having Truman, and when I first came home, but you are really enjoying being a big brother and it is amazing to see you interact with Truman. You like to show him how to do everything. (And remember you taught him how to smile?!?)

All of the sudden, you've become so much older...we signed you up for soccer this spring...but it's not that. It's the way you carry yourself, interact with others, the things you say. You want to know how everything works, and I love that about you. You can be gullible like me, but to hear your laugh makes everyone smile. It literally lights up a room.

Happy birthday to my beautiful, smart, sweet, and caring boy. I couldn't be prouder of you if I tried. You make every day brighter and you make my heart happy. I love you.

To Jack on his 4th birthday

Dear Jack,

I remember holding you as a baby and now you're just a pile of skinny arms and legs that's full of giggles. I cannot believe how much you have grown in the last year. You are our comedic relief and our little mother hen. Everything and everyone is your "baby" to care for!

You love the color pink. You have always loved it and that has never changed. You love everything sweet. You play so well with your brother and the two of you create amazing imaginary schemes. You also love to make funny faces and make us all laugh. You beg to be tickled.

Your heart is almost too big for your chest, and I worry about the day that someone will break it. You care so much for others that you seem to feel their emotions. We're a lot like each other in that regard. Perhaps that's why you're such a "mama's boy." Don't tell daddy, but I'm secretly thrilled with that! You're so smart, kind, and you genuinely want to make us all so happy. We're so lucky!

You love to sing, love to make your stuffed animals talk in crazy voices, and love to take care of everyone. You're desperate to be a grown up. I cannot believe how grown you are...no longer a toddler, but now a little boy. Thank you for being my son. Happy fourth birthday, Jack.

Love,

Mommy

To Sumner on his 4th birthday

Dear Sumner,

I cannot believe how much change this year has brought for you. You seem to have gone from toddler to little boy overnight. You have become so caring, so kind, and so funny. You love to tell jokes and make us all laugh. You still love animals so much, especially our cats. Your favorite color is green, and your new favorite food is ham.

You've come along so much during therapy. I remember a little boy who couldn't make eye contact and who we had a hard time getting to hug and kiss us. Now you love to cuddle. Your imagination has blossomed this year too...at any given moment you could be a cat, a pirate, or building a complicated machine. Your stories are elaborate and fantastic.

You worry me sometimes, I am not going to lie. You are so smart and have so much going on in that head of yours, you sometimes don't know how to express it all. Now that you are four, you have spent the whole day asking how much longer until you get to be five and go to kindergarten! I cannot believe how fast time is going.

You have a beautiful singing voice, a contagious laugh, and you make all of us so happy. I am so lucky to have you as a son. Happy, happy birthday to you, my sweet little boy.

Love,

Mommy

To my boys on their third birthday

Sumner,

I cannot believe you are three years old today. It seems like just yesterday I dreamed of you, I felt you kicking, I saw you in that incubator. With every year you get older, I wonder how it is possible for my heart to feel so much more love, but yet, it does.

This year has been huge for you. We moved to our "new house" as you call it, "the white one." With that move came the understanding of you a little better. Sensory Processing Disorder was just the label, but we started to understand YOU, to unlock YOU. You didn't give us kisses, or hugs, or say you loved us in the spring. You didn't ride the carousel, you didn't slide or swing. You were paralyzed with fear. Now you do all of that and more. I never imagined. I am so proud of you. This year you changed as a person in ways I never dreamed it could.

You still love animals with every bone in your body. Maybe someday you'll be a veterinarian. You try to tell jokes, and you love to make us laugh. Your laugh is so infectious that once when you laughed in the lobby of a restaurant while we were waiting to eat, 15 other people laughed with you. You give the biggest hugs now and insist all your kisses are "on the mouth." When you dance, it looks like you are galloping. You love to dance. The things you say are funny, and smart, and amaze me. When they tested you last month, some of your language tested at the level of a 5 year old. You amaze everyone you talk to.

You are so smart! Letters, colors, numbers, shapes. You have them down pat. You come up with elaborate ideas and act them out now with your brother. You told me tonight that my hair is beautiful. You see things I never see, and seeing the world through your eyes amazes me.

Every night when you tell me you love me, when I am shutting the gate to your room, my heart melts a little more. Someday soon you'll be a boy, and a man. I am so glad that I have the honor of raising you. Happy third birthday, Summy. I love you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


Jack,

Today you are three. I have gotten so used to calling you and your brother "the babies" or "my babies." Well today I realized that you aren't a baby any longer. Today I feel like you are a boy. I never imagined when you were that tiny thing looking so helpless and strapped to a cpap machine that you would become the darling, sweet, and loving boy you are today.

This year has brought a lot of changes for you too. We learned more about why you are always falling down. I thought you were clumsy, maybe like me, but I am learning so much about you and so much through you. Sensory Processing Disorder is what we learned it is called, but you rose above what we thought you could possibly do. By the end of this summer you were more aware, more careful. You also came through your therapy with a curiosity to learn, and learn you did. After you got your glasses this fall you started learning your numbers and letters so quickly. Now you know almost all of them. You love to learn and I am amazed with all that you know.

You love to draw and color, and frequently we find you have drawn all over something you weren't supposed to. Your Daddy's work notes are scribbled all over with "Jack" handwriting. You make the most hilarious voices. Each of your stuffed animals (which you love) has it's own voice. You feed them, put them to bed, and take care of them just like a mother. You are so nurturing. You worry about everyone in the house and always check to make sure we are OK. You are so polite and always say please and thank you. I am so proud of you for being so kind to others.

You love to be tickled and you seem to be quite the "mama's boy." You love to snuggle and just yesterday we spent 10 minutes snuggling together under the blanket pretending we were hiding from a dragon. You love to make others laugh, and you wear your heart on your sleeve, just like me. I love you even more for that.

When I look at you, I see myself. Sometimes that scares me. How did I get the opportunity to raise such a sweet, handsome, smart little man? Before I know it, you'll be a man. What a wonderful boy you are turning out to be. I love you, Jack.


love,

mommy

To Jackson, on his second birthday

Dear Jack,

From the moment you came out, you were a fighter. To think about you almost not making it kills me, but I can still see you in your incubator, flailing around. Once, when the neonatologist was doing rounds, we asked about having your nasal cannula that supplied extra oxygen removed. He told us you needed it, but when he looked closer, you had pulled it out of your nose, and put it in your mouth. He laughed so hard and said "I guess he doesn't want OR need it!"

When you came home, you had such a hard time, reflux killed all of us, but you were such a good baby. A skinny mini from almost the first week. We spent a lot of time worrying about you.

Now you are two. How could I have ever imagined the toddler you have become? You are SO polite, always thanking people, saying please, blowing kisses, giving hugs, and taking care of others. You love to take care of baby Arden, and your brother. Sometimes I see so much of myself in you, it scares me. You are so feisty. Always doing something ornery. Throwing food, watching to see if we are noticing the thing you are on the verge of testing the limits with.

You are so sweet. You attach yourself into the heart of everyone you meet. After a few days with you, you have caregivers, doctors, friends and family wrapped around your finger. You have such a wise look to you, and you're always thinking. You love to run, jump, spin. You keep me busy, and on my toes. You love to sing, and to color. You beg to get out the markers. You love people, phones, remotes, keys, elmo, your blankie, and acting like you are very grown up. You are such a helper. You always want to unload the dishwasher, put the toys in the bath, or pick up. You love your daddy and you love to wrestle with him and carry tools like him.

You love your brother and call him "Munnny." After your surgery last Tuesday, it's starting to sound more like "Summy" every day.

Your smile lights up a room. You love to be tickled. People you meet, even strangers call you "Jackie" and feel an immediate bond with you.

I couldn't be prouder to be your mother today, on your second birthday.

love, mommy.

To Sumner, on his second birthday

Dear Sumner,

I still remember you in your incubator, your back covered in fuzz. You looked like an angry old man. You'd cry at diaper changes. You loved it when we paid attention to you.

When we got home, we called you "the tank." To us, you were huge...you looked like a potato. You used to make the cutest sound like a billy goat. Sometimes you sounded like a backfiring car. You used to nurse on our noses. One of my favorite pictures is you nursing Jack's nose.

Now you are two. Where has time gone? We were so proud of you when you started walking in October. You aren't always the most motivated, but when you put your mind to it, boy do you do it! You love cars, wheels, fans, cats, pretty much any animal that will hold still for you, elmo, and pacis. You have just started asking a lot for a "hug" and you can be so cuddly when you want to be. You talk all the time. You're always telling us "it's alright" "shut the door!" "I don't know." You love to repeat what you hear. You always have something to say. You love to sing, especially "twinkle twinkle" "row row row your boat" and the elmo's world song. Last week when we went out to the car, you sang "row row row your boat, gently down the street" because that's how you think it goes. You know each of our cats by name and tonight you chased Bode around for 5 minutes. You just started a "mama" phase this week and I am secretly overjoyed with it.

You are so kind to your brother. Today he brought your blanket and you said "Thank you Jack Jack." You always call him that.

You love your daddy and you are so proud when you get to wear your hockey jersey like he has. In a lot of ways, you remind me so much of him. You still sometimes have night terrors, and you have been known to get scared over small things, but you also have a laugh that is infectious. Last week you were in the lobby of a restaurant and you laughed so hard you had 10 other people laughing with you.

Your big blue eyes are so deep, I could see for miles. When you sleep, you always sleep with your butt in the air. You love stuffed animals.

I couldn't be prouder of you. I love you.

love, mommy.

Birthday boys!