Saturday, January 02, 2010

Elephant in the room

We are, in 3 days, going to be officially TTC for a third child.

I know I made a cryptic blog post a few days ago, and here's why: I started this blog to document a pregnancy after our struggle with IF. The last go-round, we didn't say a word to family or friends about all the treatments, cycle after cycle of BFNs, or anything else. I was afraid of what people would say to me. In that time, I wanted so bad to have a shoulder to cry on, someone to carry my burden and pain for just a few steps. Someone to talk to. 3 1/2 years ago, blogs were fairly new. I could have posted about anything knowing that probably only a few people would read what I was saying. Now, not so much. I use this place as an outlet. I need to be able to post about us TTC without feeling like I have opened myself up to scrutiny.

This blog is read by family, friends, neighbors, and many other people. I want this to be a place I can openly talk about TTC #3 after unexplained infertility. If we go through treatments, I want to be open. I need your support. But please keep your criticisms to yourself.

A family member who I just shared the hope of TTC #3 with told me that he didn't think we should go through any medical interventions this time around. That God would give us a third child if he chose to. This is what I don't need. This is what I fear.

I am so scared. Crazy scared. I lie awake at night with the "what ifs." What if I have another preemie? How far would we go? When should we look into ART? Our OBGYN only wants us to try for 6 months this time around. We could be doing IUI cycles this summer. I am scared. Would I trigger again with two follicles? What if I have another placental abruption?

I hope you understand. I hope I can be open here. I hope you respect our need for privacy with my need to use this place to document my feelings as we begin this process again. Thank you for always being there for me when I need it most.

17 comments:

Liz said...

best of luck on your new journey!

Safire said...

Good luck with this next stage of your life! Your OB/GYN is right about the timing...give yourselves 6 months and then start treatments again. As for the other questions...only you can answer them. Go with your gut and you'll know what to do. (This coming from a 2nd time ttc-er, soon to be trying for #4.)

Following HIM said...

I have no place to judge or criticisms to give. All I can offer is best wishes and prayers. Good luck and I will be thinking of you guys!
Hugs, love, and prayers!
~Elyse

Alana said...

Hang in there, gal. Best wishes for you and D on the next step of your journey. Rooting for you along the way! Hugs!

Allison said...

Sending you love and good wishes and never a thought of criticism. You know I'm always here for you. I hope your journey of TTC is a short one and you can find a way to enjoy your pregnancy without too many worries. ((HUGS))

rainking14 said...

Looking forward to lots of practice....

tbonegrl said...

LOL, thanks David...always know how to put it into perspective!

Linda said...

Happy New Year and best of luck on your journey TTC!

Sweetie Pieties said...

Thinking of you!

Manday said...

I promise I won't tell you to wait and see if god grants you a child instead of doing what you feel is right... yes that is meant to be a joke, even if in poor taste.

Seriously, good luck!! I hope you don't end up needing to make any of those hard decisions and things work out. *hugs*

Wendy said...

I know very well how you probably felt. It was so hard and whenever we did share with someone, because of their inexperience with infertility they always said something crushing (much like some of your experience with the SPD comments). They just don't understand the feeling (nor the effect of all those additional hormone injections), but really are trying in their own way to be helpful. It's a very hard journey to go it alone. I am glad you are seeking support. May everyone think hard before commenting and put themselves in your shoes...again... unless you have been there, it's hard to understand the emotions (no matter how clear you make it to them). Try to give the fear and worry to someone else (as hard as that is) and start your journey with confidence (it's hard after what you went through, I know). I understand. We are all thinking about you, hear to listen and send all our prayers and hope to you.

Julie said...

Good luck to you! Try not to listen to the people that are telling you negative things. You need to do what feels right for you and your family. I wish you all the best with your journey!

Jessica said...

Good Luck to you guys! I will keep you in my prayers!

Danica said...

Sending hugs. I'm so happy for you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I wish you much luck in this journey.

Heather said...

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!

Amy said...

Just wanted to say good luck! I will always be here to offer support.

The Lapczynski Family said...

Wishing and praying for you!