Saturday, September 11, 2010

sadness

I debated whether I should post anything about this, we have been very private this go-round with our infertility issues.

However, I'm so sad, and it's so awful. Infertility is no better the second time around. We've used all the money we have on cycle after cycle of treatments, and I just found out yesterday (the last cycle we could afford) that it was all a bust.

I know I have my boys to look at, to cuddle, and to love. I am infinitely thankful for that. But I know I am not done having children. I do not know if I will ever be able to have another, and that devastates me. I am tired of charting, tired of temping, tired of shots, and tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests.

It has been a very rough week. A large part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and avoid the world. The other half of me is putting on a happy face and just moving on. My heart is crying. I hate being infertile.


14 comments:

Wendy said...

I feel your pain. Granted, I don't know how it feels to you, but I went through it too. Ten thousand and shots after shots after shots after shots. It feels crippling whenever the test is negative. And it is worsened when people tell you to be thankful for your boys... of course you are. That was never in question in your mind. This is emotional, not intellectual... you know how lucky you are, but emotionally you ache. That is perfectly understandable. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is so very hard. ((hug))

Tammy said...

((hug))

Laura said...

((hugs)) and prayers during this difficult time... :(

Anya said...

Meghan -- my heart aches for you, but you already know that. It's so so so so unfair, and only those of us who have experienced infertility can know how devastating it really is.

I still believe that you WILL have another child... you are an amazing mom.

Liz said...

I'm so sorry.

Annie said...

I understand you. I have infertility problems and for me the worst part is that I don't have the money to afford another IVF. Definitely, is devasting.

Hugs!!!

Following HIM said...

Sending lots of hugs & support to you!!
Elyse

Jess and Krissy said...

Oh, my heart just breaks for you. This is my first time commenting, been reading for awhile, but I'm generally a lurker, but I just had to tell you I'm praying for you. We've just jumped back in with both feet, and it's scary. Still PI, but we took a little break. I am praying God gives you the strength to hang on. Many hugs.

Krystal

Sarah Dee said...

I am so sorry for your loss. For your loss of the cycle, for the loss of the chance to be a mother to another little life 9 months from now. I am sorry for your sadness and pain.

Safire said...

We've just had a similar disappointment. It sucks. Plain and simple. Sorry.

Alana said...

Sending love your way. With extra hope and longing for both of us. May another child come our way somehow, someday... HUGS!

Christina said...

I know. God I know it hurts so bad. I with I could make your pain go away...it's hard, it tore me apart too. Hugs to you.
xo

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

To quote another ALI blog..."infertility sucks".

We are at the end of our bankroll too. One last shot at IVF. Crossing fingers but I'm oh so glad there are people like you who understand.

Now following from Creme de la Creme.

Lut C. said...

The second round is tough, really tough.

(Arrived from the crème de la crème list)