Happy Halloween!

We went trick or treating at my mom's house tonight. The boys have a halloween party in their classroom tomorrow, and will trick or treat in our neighborhood tomorrow night!

I need healing

I went in last Thursday for my routine OBGYN exam. While I was there, we talked about plans for baby #3 (down the road in a few years) Jack weaning (as much as I don't want to admit it, it's happening. Where have my babies gone again?) And my sad sad state of a belly. It's a frightening mess really. And we discussed the delivery.

I broke down and sobbed on the exam table. I am not alright. I am not. As much as I want to be strong, and think that I am okay with what happened, I really am not. I still have flashbacks. Most of them are to the bed where I am bleeding out, but some of them are on the operating table where they are cutting me open, or the anesthesiologist is pushing on my throat so I won't aspirate while I go under. There's also the memory of waking up in the room alone, not knowing if they made it. Just typing this makes me teary.

I don't really discuss this. Sure, my husband and my close friends know that I get upset, or that I'm not over it, but I don' tell people that the smell of the soap at the hospital when my best friend had her baby makes me flashback, or that the certain pitch of a beep can bring me back to the NICU with a thud.

And the only people out there who understand this, in your own ways, are you, my fellow bloggers/readers. Some of you have lost some beautiful angels. Some of you endured deliveries of your own. Or NICU time. Or are suffering through a devastating infertility journey.

For all the love I have for the boys, I feel embarrassed to still fell this way. But it is like I am HAUNTED by it.

So we discussed it and she gave me a name. I haven't called the insurance yet, but I plan to. She really feels I need a few years to deal with this before I am pregnant again, however that happens. (And hopefully when that happens.) I just need to become brave enough to move forward with it. I need to not be scared about the next time around. I want the next delivery, whatever it is (OBGYN feels b/c of the trauma to my uterus, it'll probably be a scheduled c section) to be something healing.

best.pic.ever

Jack is into throwing things. He's a food thrower. He loves to throw balls and make baskets in his little tikes basketball hoop. However, I lucked out and caught the best picture ever of him getting ready to throw.

20 months, a little late, but what's new?

20 months old!!!

In this edition, Summy was pretending to be a doctor, hence the stethoscope. Jack refused to cooperate and only wanted to show the half eaten goldfishes in his mouth.

WTF?!?!

So D and I head to BRU today to buy some more diapers for the boys. Now, I will say that we are lucky in that our kids don't go through a crazy amount of diapers a day, and one very large BRU box coveres each boy for a few months. We usually get a pretty good deal and are able to combine a sale with coupons there. Sometimes we get to scan multiple manufacturer's coupons for each box. I digress...

We drove to the brand-spankin-new BRU/TRU right by my school. In the past, when the boys were born, we bought boxes of Pampers (the largest boxes) for 32.99 each. We'd noticed a price jump recently to 35.99, and then on vacation they were 37.99 this summer. Tonight they were 40.99. 40.99!!! What in the world? I'm already angry we get NO coupons from Pampers, but now BRU hs jacked the price up 8.00 in 18 months?!?! Outrage, I tell you!

/vent

While my battery is charging...

My camera battery is dead so no uploading yet of any 20 month pics, but I just thought I'd share some of our apple picking pictures. Aunt e and Uncle j went with baby a too!











Today I asked both boys if they wanted more oatmeal cream pie for dessert and both shook their heads no. Summy can now say "omie!" (Oatmeal Cream Pie)

We went pumpkin picking yesterday....and I had no camera battery, so I got to take no pictures. SO sad! Aunt e and Uncle j took some for us though. Summy kept shouting "pumpkin" and pointing around the entire patch. On the wagon ride back Jack exclaimed "wheee" and Summy said "bye bye pumpkin."

Today after lunch Jack dropped his water bottle and it hit me square on the toe. I cried because it hurt so bad, and Summy came over, picked up the water bottle, threw it on the ground and grabbed his toe and sat next to me, big crocodile tears running down his face! He never actually hit his toe with the bottle though! Where do they learn these things?!?!

What...20 months old?!?!?...YAYUH!

So my DH has decided his newest pursuit is to teach Sumner to imitate the Lil' Jon skit from the Dave Chappelle show. He routinely shouts "WHAT?" at Summy and then tries to get him to respond with a resounding "YAYUH!" Ridiculousness, I tell you! In recent weeks Summy has started saying "Go Buckies" (Go Buckeyes) "night night" "Hey Everybody" (Erinie says this on his elmo phone) "Elmo! Ya ya ya ya!" (Elmo followed by the la la la la beginning to the Elmo's world theme song) and "Peek a doo." (Peek a boo)

I am writing this entry on our finally de-trojaned computer, running with the newest internet explorer, and having just for the first time this evening, let me empty the 650 pictures off my Canon's memory card. WHEW! So tonight, I will allow you to enjoy our 19 month pictures...and tomorrow, you can enjoy the pictures from today, as the boys are now officially 20 months old. I apologize, the pictures are slightly dark/blurry.

Ph, and while our computer was sucking the life out of me, I turned 30 too...wah! I feel old!

I know I know, where are the pictures?!?!?

My BIL has a happy report that our computer is almost reformatted! We mgiht even have it back this weekend! The trojan that had infected it was so bad, it was keeping us from wiping it clean, so he had to take it to his house to work on it! In the meantime...

I just had to post because Summy hugged Jack today!! I was hugging them and he turned to him and hugged him and made his happy sound. He did it 3 more times. It was the best.thing.ever!!!