broken plate, tough times

It's been a while,

I mean, a long while. I have pictures upon pictures. Pictures that are long overdue. And I am busy, but such is life. Things have been a little hectic around here to say the least. I wish I could share it all, but I am not comfortable doing that here, which makes me kind of sad. I can tell you that things have been rough. For me, for our family. We are muddling through, and I keep telling myself that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?

Tonight is a prime example. I got home from work and picking all the kids up and David didn't make dinner. He got so busy he didn't have time to soak the beans to make bean soup. And I am totally OK with that because we are all exhausted and sometimes just the daily routine of picking up, feeding, homework, cleaning up, packing lunches, checking everything twice on top of daily chores can be very tiring. And draining. And mind numbing.

So we went to Bob Evans. Let me just tell you that the winter is the worst time of the year for us. The kids just flat out struggle. Without the ability to get out and play, to get heavy work, muscle input, and regulation, they struggle. Being cooped up with each other they struggle. Tonight was no different. As soon as we get to the restaurant it is quite obvious that they are not having a good night. I mean crying, whining, bossing around, dropping things, bumping into each other, talking in a loud voice, not a good night.

They were awful to the waitress. I found myself getting so upset with them when I explained to her they have special needs, and that if she could be patient, we weren't going to let them act as they were. I sat with them and made them order as politely as they could, given the circumstances.

They cried some more. We fed them bread. Summy obsessed over it. The food came, there were maybe 5 minutes of peace. They started in again.

And then Sumner accidentally knocked his plate onto the floor, where it broke.

Cue more sobbing. I actually flushed I was so embarrassed. It was a total accident. In those moments I wonder sometimes: am I being too nice? Have I coddled my children? Is this because of me?

I cannot tell you how many times in the last few weeks I have said "What is wrong with you?" to one or both of them. I find myself cringing because I know the answer. I know they try their best to hold it all in during the school day, and I appreciate that. I want them to learn, and I want them to be their best when they are there. I try to remind myself of that when Sumner is sobbing the whole way to school in the car because he is obsessing over the vent in the car. Or when Jack is yelling at me because he is not ready to head out the door again because he missed one of the directions when he couldn't focus on them.

It has been a tough road at our house for these and many other reasons. I know we are on the right path, the road just seems extra bumpy sometimes.