haircut trauma

Today I gave the boys haircuts and the evening ended up with me in tears. Sometimes it is so hard to have kids with sensory processing disorder because I feel pain when I see them so upset. I know it is irrational, but I feel like it's my fault, and I am causing the pain. There's just no easy way to cut their hair. It's been something we have struggled with since they were little.

I started out cutting Summy's hair, and he was hysterical about 5 minutes in. He kept trying to grab the scissors and bend his head, which scares me to death that I might accidentally hurt him. By the time I got to the back (his least favorite part) he was totally out of control and sobbing. He kept saying "I am so scared! I am so overwhelmed." My heart hurt.

Then Jack. More tears. Not as bad as Summy, but Summy was taking a break on the couch. (And still not done!) So I moved back to him and we tried bribing him with oreos, a special seat, etc, etc. He jerked his head at one point and now has a giant chunk missing from the back.

I would have, about thirty times during the ordeal, given one of my limbs to make it not hurt them. I know it caused them physical pain even though I wasn't "hurting" them. Sometimes being mommy hurts a lot. I hate haircuts.