The adventures of tader baby

fear.

2012-01-29T17:11:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning we sit down with the "team" to discuss re-evaluation of the boys for IEPs in kindergarten. This is something David and I both want very badly and so I am hoping it goes smoothly, and we are met with minimal resistance. If all goes to plan, they will be re-evaluated in February and we'll reconvene in March to discuss if they re-qualify and then to re-write their IEPs again. (We JUST wrote new IEPs two weeks ago.)

Jack has yet to meet his IEP goal for the last 3 years of correctly holding his pencil, even with 3 years of intense OT. He's made great strides, but I know from my own childhood experience that it will be an uphill battle for him if he cannot continue services. We're also worried about what all-day kindergarten will look like for him, as he still naps 2 hours a day.

Sumner's shown great improvement with fine motor but will definitely still need social/emotional support and accommodations for sensory as we look towards kindergarten. We're hoping that diagnoses from both his pediatrician and psychologist will help the district see our concerns.

Obviously with SPD not in the DSM, we cannot use "sensory processing disorder" as a reason to have the boys on IEPs.

I'll update you more after our meeting on Monday.

perspective

2012-01-28T14:43:00.003-05:00

Getting this off my chest...

2012-01-22T19:13:00.003-05:00

Some things I wish I could shout:

-No, I don't want to hear how my baby is a peanut
-No, I don't want your opinion on whether I should consider another one
-No, I don't need to hear your advice about raising my kids

Some things I am thinking internally:

-Should I consider filling the prescription for meds for PPD?
-Is Truman too little? (Added stress b/c as the person feeding him, I feel responsible)
-Is Truman on track developmentally? Will he have SPD? (I think this anxiety comes from having preemies and CONSTANTLY looking for them to reach milestones, etc.)

Thanks for letting me vent. I know some of it is irrational, but I need to get it off my chest.

Professional Pictures!

2012-01-18T18:32:00.003-05:00

We were blessed that a friend, Alison Janki, was able to take newborn pictures of Truman. Alison and I used to work together , as she taught kindergarten (at the school I teach at) when I first started. She did an AMAZING job taking pictures of Truman, these are just a few. To see more of her amazing work, be sure to check out her blog and website.

2011 year in review

2012-01-16T19:24:00.001-05:00

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

1 month old

2012-01-14T14:59:00.004-05:00

Friday the 13th was lucky for Truman because he turned 1 month old! Our appointment at the pediatrician went well, and we found out Truman's growing great. He weighed 7 pounds at birth, had dropped at 6 lbs 6 oz in the hospital, was 6 lbs 10 oz at our followup pedi appointment, and was 7 lbs 10 oz at his month appointment. She was very pleased with a pound in 3 weeks. She told us (me) that we could start relaxing on waking Truman to eat all the time. I enjoyed sleeping 6 hours straight last night! I feel a ton better because of it! Truman's been struggling with breastfeeding and our pediatrician told me it probably is because he's not hungry every 3 hours, and we need to wait longer. Sure enough, she was right, and already he nursed better last evening than the whole month combined!

I continue to be a dairy farm and have been working hard to keep my crazy milk supply in check. I've had mastitis once and thrush once, so hoping to keep the ta tas reigned in and calmed down. After feeding Truman, I'm pumping between 24-30 oz a day. I plan to donate to the milk bank again, like I did with the boys.

Look for year in review pics of the boys and an update on me soon! Happy 1 month, Truman!

Truman

2012-01-10T20:27:00.009-05:00

I have been the worst mom ever. Is this how it always is for the 3rd kid?!? I wanted to post a few hospital pics here of Truey to remember the day...he's almost 1 month old! These pictures are from the surgery. I went to the OB today and will update you soon about what we found out.

update

2011-12-29T11:42:00.002-05:00

After a run of x-rays that came back normal last week, I am going to see a GI specialist today about problems I am still having after the delivery. Overall I am doing better: I am off the heavy pain meds and feel able to go out of the house a little bit now, but I also developed mastitis so I've been on powerful antibiotics for that.

If it's not one thing, I swear it is another. Looking forward to getting more answers today. I also have been googling a lot of the problems I had with adhesions and things that have happened after the surgery and I am finding I am not alone. I might need to look into Mayan abdominal massage sometime down the line.

delivery story

2011-12-22T17:09:00.001-05:00

I am recording this here as much for myself as to be able to start to comprehend what exactly happened.

Truman Oliver was born 12/13 at 6:45 a.m. and weighed 7 lbs even and was 20" even!

I started having contractions at 4:30 a.m. on the 12th. They were 10 minutes apart and very short, so I stayed home from work and timed them, called my OB around 10 a.m. and drank water and got them to slow to about every 45 min. By evening they had ramped back up and around 9 p.m. I called my mom to come up: they were every 5 minutes and I was in a ton of pain.

I got to the hospital around 10 p.m. In triage they hooked me up to the monitors and we saw contractions, but I was writhing and screaming...and they kept checking me and I was not dilated at all. They had me walk but the nurses felt so bad for me in L+D they sent me back. They gave me some pain meds and the contractions slowed, but still kept up. Around 5 a.m. they decided to do a C section Of course, my OB wasn't on call, or able to come, she was on vacation.

We went to the OR and they did the spinal. I was scared out of my mind, honestly, and in so much pain...all the pain meds they had given me were long worn off. DH came in, and surgery started.

When they opened me up the OB kinda gasped and told me the surgery was going to be difficult. I had tons of scar tissue and adhesions all over my uterus and organs. Truman was born at 6:45 but overall the surgery took 2 1/2 hours. It was very frightening and they had to call in more OBs and at one point had 4 working on me. My spinal wore off towards the end and they had to dope me up with some other anesthesia. I "came to" in recovery and they had taken Truman, DH was there, and then went to be with him. I am thankful this time I got to be awake when he was born and see him for quite a bit.

Truman is very healthy. Everything is great with him, he is a super easy baby. The OB who did the surgery refused to talk to me afterwards...she was on call and it was the end of the shift and I think she was afraid to. My OB plans to go over what happened with me when I see her next in a few weeks, but she also told me in the hospital she doesn't know if we can ever have more kids. They had to "reconstruct my insides" is what she told me in the hospital. Recovery has been awful and I had additional x-rays done on Tues, but they came back good, which is great. Unfortunately, I am having issues going to the bathroom so my next step is a GI doc.

I know it sounds crazy, but DH and I had talked about a 4th. (If I could get PG again...) I have no idea how I got PG this time: all the IUIs failed and I got PG with Truman naturally somehow...and now knowing what I know that seems even more impossible. I now know the contractions hurt so bad because my uterus was adhered to my abdomen. I also know this is why I was in so much pain at 6w when we went to the ER and they thought I was losing the pregnancy. I am thankful that I am OK, especially considering how much worse it could have been.

Thank you for all the well-wishes. It's going to be a long road to recovery and I know I am nuts to be mourning the possibility of not having any more, but I am thankful for what I have, for sure.

He's here!

2011-12-19T16:22:00.002-05:00

Truman Oliver was born 12/13 at 6:45 a.m. and weighed 7 pounds exactly. He was 20" long.

The delivery story is long and not pretty, I promise to update later, just wanted to post his hospital picture. He is an amazing baby and so sweet, and quiet!

quite and thankful

2011-12-05T19:05:00.003-05:00

I am creeping towards 37 weeks. Ok, it's tomorrow. And that magic number seems to be the point where I cross the your baby is early/this is kinda normal threshold. It is strange and surreal. I don't know what to make of it. Each day just comes and goes (this time of year helps too) so quickly.

Some things I never imagined would happen:

-I have a hospital bag packed
-The nursery is for the most part ready
-My house is clean (shhh, don't say it too loud)

My OB said at today's appointment I am the perkiest patient she has seen at this point. Honestly, I am just SO thankful to be at this point. I told her not to be fooled: I definitely have sob fests at home because my hips hurt so bad or I just peed my pants, but overall I feel SO thankful. To have a (full) term baby!

Photo Card

2011-11-30T21:24:00.001-05:00

Sweet Little Label Christmas

Customize your Christmas cards this holiday at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

budding chef.

2011-11-29T21:22:00.003-05:00

Jack LOVES to cook. He wants to spend every minute in the kitchen, mostly with Daddy, helping to cook. He loves scrambled eggs and loves nothing more than stirring them. He told me that he wants to be a "great chef like Daddy or Papaw." (My grandfather.)

To this end, he decided that he was going to make the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. My Papaw makes a huge meal and doesn't allow anyone else to bring anything, but he relented and let Jack bring the pumpkin pie, which he made himself. Everyone loved it!

o

exhausted

2011-11-27T19:28:00.002-05:00

Do you see a theme in my recent posts? On Tuesday I will be 36 weeks, which is a huge milestone. So far, so good. I've had some contractions this evening which has worried me, but overall I have been doing ok. It's hard to walk, I'm more at a "waddle" right now. I'm achy. Sleep is becoming more and more difficult. I have, for the last few weeks, consistently measured about a week ahead in belly size.

Can't complain...I am happy for each day and week, honestly. I'm trying my hardest to clean and make everything ready for Christmas, visitors, and making things as easy on D as I can after the baby is born. I have 3 musicals in the next week and 2 days at school. The thought of another 3 weeks and 2 days of teaching is daunting, but I am hoping it goes by super fast. (This time of year usually does!)

This is what a normal pregnancy feels like, I suppose. It's a good thing really: the crazy nesting, the need to clean every nook and cranny of my house, and the awareness that time is moving so quickly...how is it possible that he'll be here so soon?

Asking again...

2011-11-23T11:40:00.000-05:00

Will you please vote for my school daily by scanning this code? Thank you!

World Prematurity Awareness Day

2011-11-17T21:41:00.004-05:00

I just got home after a 13 hour day at school, but I couldn't help but blog about how thankful I am to have my beautiful boys on today, world prematurity awareness day. We had a really rough go of it, especially at the beginning, but I am thankful for every doctor, nurse, OB, and resident who came into contact with and or cared for my boys and I. I am thankful for the amazing, caring, thoughtful kids we have and every day I am amazed at how blessed we are.

I am thankful to have this outlet to blog about prematurity and to share the ups and downs of preemie-hood. That's life, I suppose. It's not all roses and sunshine, but on days like this, I am just so thankful for what amazing things we've got.

To all of the preemies and preemie parents out there, this day is for you!

32 weeks 4 days

2011-11-05T12:48:00.003-05:00

Today is the day that I delivered the boys. 32 weeks, 4 days. I have been an emotional wreck, honestly. I cannot help but think about what I was doing at this time, the last time around. I am so thankful that I have made it this far in my pregnancy. So far, things have gone pretty well. I've got varicose veins, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I've been so tired I can barely walk some days, but it has been NOTHING like it was this time, last time.

I am so glad that I am writing this post. I have been trying hard not to be anxious. Tomorrow I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. Hoping tomorrow starts a new day, and less worry.

Halloween 2011 - The cast of "Up"

2011-11-01T20:07:00.008-05:00

This year we went as the characters from the movie Up. Summy was Mr. Frederickson, Jack was Russell, I was the "house" (fitting for a pregnant lady?) and David was the snipe. (Kevin)

I made Summy's costume from a suit I found on ebay, suspenders, a walker we put tennis balls on, and glasses from the Target 1.00 bin that David drilled the lenses out of. To top off the look, he wore an ear plug as his hearing aid, and we sprayed his hair white.

Jack's costume was a boy scout shirt, brown pants (too cold for shorts) a sash I created with fabric and simple felt circles for "badges," an old-school tiger scout neckerchief, a neckerchief "slide" from the 60s, a tan ball cap, an orange backpack, and various paraphernalia. David created the flag from felt and a fiberglass wire runner. (Like a dowel rod.)

For my house, I painted a box brown and then cut circles out for my head and arms. I then colored and applied windows, trim, door, and other effects to match the house. The house in the movie is super colorful, so I made the strips/trim colorful to match.

For David's costume he wore a blue sweatshirt and sewed feathers onto the arms. He used a hat, and some stiff felt to create the beak, and then put felt eyes on his hood. He used feathers sold at a local craft supply to make the "crown"/sticking up feathers on Kevin. He carried a stuffed "Doug."

Enjoy!

tired.

2011-10-29T20:02:00.004-05:00

A week from today I will be at the exact same place I was when I delivered the boys. I am scared out of my mind, if I am telling the truth. As the "date" nears, I find myself getting more and more anxious. Anxiety over little things, and then flat out paranoia over big things.

So far everything is good, I just feel like it is the last hurdle I have to leap over. In all honesty though, I wonder if I will still feel this anxiety until the end.

It's getting harder and harder to "keep up." Cleaning, chores, the kids, and getting everything ready feels so different this time around!

Looking forward to Halloween. Can't wait to show you pictures of our costumes!!

Huge favor to ask!

2011-10-24T18:50:00.002-05:00

My school is up for a national grant I helped to write. Voting is daily and you can vote 2x a day: once via text and once via the website. Will you vote for us daily?

VOTE!!! 2 votes per person!!!

You will need to register first and this is very easy to do. Go to http://www.powerabrightfuture.com/ and register (click on the register tab in the top right of the screen)

Then vote by...

#1 Vote online: Go to our nomination page : http://www.powerabrightfuture.com/gallery/detail/?nid=1300 and cast your vote!

#2 Text to vote*

To vote for Alum Creek text: Clorox 5052 to: 44144

A million thanks!!!

pumpkin picking!

2011-10-16T20:33:00.006-05:00

Saturday we went pumpkin picking, (the boys are already begging to go again) and rode a hayride. People were craning their necks when they heard our children literally screaming with glee...they were SO excited. The weather was beautiful but windy, and we had a really nice time with the mothers of twins group.

This is *so* Jack!

the tader tot

2011-10-10T20:29:00.003-05:00

Some pictures of the tader tot at 28 weeks. He looks like Summy in the eyes and nose, (and has his ginormous head) and looks a lot like Jack in the lips/chin. (And has his super long legs and fingers.)

He's measuring big... like they estimated 3 lbs 4 oz. Eek.

The "thing" about SPD

2011-09-28T19:57:00.000-05:00

Any parent of a child with special needs will tell you that their child tries SO HARD. I mean, my own children are constantly trying...they want to make others happy and they want to do their best.

It's been hard for us because the boys have been "trying really hard" and looking pretty "typical" at special needs preschool...and then promptly unraveling afterwards at either daycare, or more likely home. Long nights of sobbing kids have left me exhausted.

I spoke with one of their teachers and explained: we want to try to PREVENT them from having trouble, not deal with the issue when they are melting down, sobbing hot messes. My point only sorta made its way across.

I am scared to death. My kids will be 5 in February, and their IEP will be up for review. Currently we have therapy almost every day, they wear things like weight belts and tension vests, and we make a host of accommodations for them. (We have swings in our house for God's sakes!) And everyone says "they look so typical" and "they are doing so well." Of course they do! That's the point!

In reality, they are always going to have SPD. They will flourish with help, but struggle without it. It was only a few short years ago that Summy didn't make eye contact or hug or kiss us. That Jack almost bit through his tongue and got an incident report daily from daycare because he was getting hurt so much.

I am so afraid of the great unknown. It's awesome they appear so "typical," but they are always going to have SPD.

love.

2011-09-26T18:46:00.000-05:00

So behind in pictures...COSI, apple picking...just had to share this.

beach!

2011-09-23T20:52:00.001-05:00

Every time we go to Florida, I pride myself in taking an awesome picture of the boys together on the beach. (You can see some here and here.) While I was looking through the pictures this time, I had a hard time choosing. Which do you like best?

Special needs and Disney

2011-09-21T17:48:00.000-05:00

We had a great experience at Disney, and it is completely due to the parks' policies and the cast members themselves. The trip was completely overwhelming for our two, (and David and I) especially Summy. As we planned for the trip, we asked our OT to write a letter to the parks in preparation. It discussed the boys SPD, Jack's quick fatigue, and the things we planned to use at the park. (Weight belts, vest, noise-cancelling headphones.)

I will start by saying that Summy had trouble on day one with the pool at the hotel. Unfortunately, it was all one depth (3' 4") which was just slightly above where he could comfortably reach. I was so thankful they had free life vests for the kids to wear, and while we couldn't convince Summy to wear one the first day, the third day he did and had a blast.

When we arrived at the Magic Kingdom, we went straight to guest services. We were given a pass for visitors with disabilities that allowed us to get in the fastpass or handicapped (it varied by ride) line at each attraction. This was a godsend. It also allowed us to use our stroller (we rented) as a wheelchair. There were many rides we could have taken the stroller right on, but we only did this once.

We headed straight for Buzz Lightyear, worried about lines...not realizing we would wait in minimal lines all day. This was a big mistake: Summy was so scared, he literally was shaking. It was too loud and I forgot the inside part of the "tunnel" made it appear the stars were spinning. I felt awful, but he rode the people mover a few times and calmed down with the help of his weight belt.

As the day progressed, we were very thankful that we didn't have to wait on many rides. Lots of times, cast members talked to Summy about the ride in advance so he was not overwhelmed...most notably at the Peter Pan ride.

We took a sensory break at 4 and went back to the hotel room where I gave the boys a bath to cool down and we just tried to be quiet. With the heat (105 heat index) the tension vest was never used (I feared overheating) but the weight belt worked really well for both boys.

Staying at the Contemporary was the best choice we ever made because it was a quick monorail ride back for the break. If we were to do it again, we'd probably need to pick it again, or another hotel on the close monorail loop.

Everywhere we went cast members were kind and helpful. It was truly amazing and a few times I teared up. Setting the bar low at one day in the parks was the way to go for us and next time if we stayed longer, the most we would do would be 2-3 days spread over a week.

I hope this information helps those of you out there with little ones with special needs. I couldn't be more complimentary of Disney and how much they truly do to make sure everyone has a magical experience. Looking back, all Summy remembers was the fun he had and not the times he was overwhelmed. We probably would have only lasted a few hours if we had had to wait in long, noisy lines. I am so thankful that their first experience was so great.

Disney in pictures

2011-09-18T14:45:00.032-05:00

Here's our trip to Disney in pictures. Sorry it has taken me so long to post pictures, I feel like I can't seem to stay on top of everything! We stayed for 3 days/2 nights. The first day we spent exploring, riding the monorail, playing in the hotel pool, and eating at the Polynesian. (We stayed at the Contemporary.) Day two we spent at the Magic Kingdom. The final day we ate at Chef Mickey's and spent another fun afternoon in the pool. The trip, while short, was definitely more than enough for our kids and they had a blast! I plan to do a second post this week discussing sensory processing/special needs and how accommodating Disney was.

The boys with Nana and Papa.

Buzz lightyear.

Driving cars.

Riding with Nana and Papa

We saw a beautiful butterfly outside the place we stopped for lunch and both boys were entranced.

Summy's favorite ride: Small World.

This totally sums up how I felt riding the Dumbo ride with Jack. I am afraid of heights!

Heat index was 105. You can tell it here. I look at these and still can't believe Summy used to be too scared to ride the carousel.

Jack's favorite ride: Aladdin's Carpets.

Around 4:00 we headed back to the hotel for a break and to cool off.

They LOVED the electrical parade.

Riding the monorail home at around 10:30. Wiped.

Totally past tired at this point.

An impromptu sword fight with Goofy. The boys were beside themselves. The swords were the only toy the boys chose/thing they wanted to buy the entire trip.

Preview

2011-09-03T14:05:00.004-05:00

I am going to admit, school has gotten the best of me. Or rather, school starting and being pregnant has gotten the best of me!

I just have to post this picture from our recent trip to Disney. A lovely cast member at our hotel took it for us after a long day and night at the Magi Kingdom. It was over 100 degrees with the heat index, and we got stuck on a broken monorail! We had a blast though...hard to believe this was at 10:30 at night!

I totally plan to post reviews (especially for other SN parents out there) and more pics this weekend!

Awkward family drawing

2011-08-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

We went to pick up the boys today from daycare, and found they had drawn a picture of their family. We were admiring Jack's picture which was soooo cute, and then turned to look at Summy's...

There we were, anatomically correct. O.M.G. After googling a bit this evening, I guess I feel better about it, but holy moly. He has never drawn anything like that before, and I asked him "what's this" and he said "my penis, don't worry, look, I drew your 'gina."

*gulp*

blogaversary

2011-08-21T15:19:00.002-05:00

in 2006 I started this blog both as a way to document my struggles with infertility and my pregnancy with what I thought was one baby. Now, 5 years later, this has become a place where I can talk about infertility, (again!) special needs and sensory processing disorder, preemies....and a new pregnancy.

Thank you for reading, for commenting, for everything. It never ceases to amaze me what a support system I have in people I have never met, except for online.

Here's to 5 more wonderful years of blogging! As I type this, I am listening to the music in the sidebar, "The luckiest." I truly am lucky to have you here for the ride.

best.parent.ever!

2011-08-18T14:45:00.001-05:00

The boys were all ready to go swimming...I just had to get my suit on. When I came back, I found this:

so sweet

2011-08-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Summy and Jack have been so sweet to the baby. I have to write some of the things down now so I don't forget...

Both of them have been kissing my belly and they think that in order to talk to their brother, they have to talk into my belly button.
Both love to sing songs with their mouths pressed to my belly.
Jack has decided he will do all the feeding bottles, and Summy will carry the baby everywhere.
Both have asked if the baby can sleep in their beds, and someday sleep in their bunk beds with them.
They will take a sibling care class in a few weeks, and both of them are so excited!

I know it'll be tough, especially for Jack, when the baby comes because it'll be another person to share our attention. I can't wait to see how great they are at being big brothers!

twin love

2011-08-11T10:54:00.003-05:00

baby news!

2011-08-07T19:57:00.004-05:00

Things have been going well this pregnancy. I will freely admit that the anxiety has increased as I get closer to the 28w mark, which is when I had the first bleed with the boys. Last evening and all through today I've had some cramping/pain, but I'm just taking it easy, and pretty sure it's because the baby is so active and everything's spreading out to make room for him to grow!

His measurements looked great, if not slightly ahead of schedule. He's got really long arms! He's also extremely active...I've been feeling kicks since 17 weeks!

We were both shocked that "he" was not a "she." For some reason we'd both had a feeling it was a girl this time around, but we've both really warmed up to the idea of another boy...we sure know how to handle boys already!

A slight pang of fear over autism/sensory issues/etc. also haunted me, but I've tried to put it out of my mind.

So...another boy for us!

horse show!

2011-07-30T09:22:00.004-05:00

Two weeks ago the boys competed in a horse show to show off their riding skills for family and friends. Both competed in jumps, (together) and Sumner came in 3rd while Jack got honorable mention. They also competed in the obstacle course separately. Both earned 2nd place ribbons.

We were really proud and were so excited for Mimi, Papa, Aunt CC and Uncle Monkey to all be able to come and watch what exactly they do during their equine therapy. It was interesting because Jack really struggled with riding alone. After we finally convinced him, he did a great job. Summy was super proud and really showed off his two-point!

Therapy.

2011-07-27T20:35:00.001-05:00

I know many of you who read my blog have kids with SPD, so I thought I'd tell you what their current therapies look like, and things we are working on with specific focus for each kid:

Sumner
typical OT at special needs preschool,
some sensory OT outside school (on hold for neurofeedback)
neurofeedback (or as Summy calls it, "brain music.")
PT in the form of gymnastics. This is pretty sensory for Summy too because it pushes him way out of his comfort zone
therapeutic horseback riding
therapy with a LISW (usually 2-3x a month)
special needs preschool during the school year, 4 days a week in the morning

Jack
typical OT at special needs preschool,
sensory OT outside school (full time all summer)
-we've been using kinesio tape to help with his postural issues
PT in the form of gymnastics.
therapeutic horseback riding
special needs preschool during the school year, 4 days a week in the morning

We have a sensory gym in our house that both boys use daily. We also pushed both of them this year by enrolling them in swimming lessons. For Summy it was and continues to be pretty overwhelming, but he really enjoyed it. Jack was like a fish in the water, and it really helped calm and organize him.

Therapies keep us busy, but have made a drastic change in the boys' life. We're lucky to have an amazing team of people that work with them. We've added cutting-edge treatments like Summy's neurofeedback and Jack's kinesio tape, and have had great results!

camels and zebras and giraffes, oh my!

2011-07-25T20:24:00.003-05:00

My mom and stepdad took the boys to The Wilds, an outdoor safari experience here in Ohio where they drive around looking at animals up close. They had a total blast and after their bus tour, they got to go meet and touch some animals up close.

the bee sting.

2011-07-18T19:42:00.005-05:00

Last Friday, at daycare, Sumner was stung by a bee.

When the teacher told me, I almost fell to the floor. Sumner's always struggled, because of his SPD, with injuries. He won't wear a bandaid. He sobs "call the ambulance." He is a mess.

Thankfully, in all this time, it has been Jack with the most difficult needs. Jack who needs 4 fillings, and another 4 starting next week. Jack who will have had 3 ENT surgeries after tomorrow. Jack who almost bit through his tongue, has postural disorder, and runs into the only person standing in a room. He can just handle these things better.

The teacher told the story:

Sumner was stung by a bee (on his knee) on the playground. He immediately started sobbing and they took him inside. He kept alternating between screaming "Why didn't Jack save me/protect me!" They calmed him a bit at which point he said "I got stung by a bee and I didn't die."

They tried to put an ice pack on it. (Another no go.) They finally carried him back outside and they convinced him to hold the ice pack. He told them that holding the ice pack in his hand made his knee feel better.

My heart melts. Of course, because he is so sweet, by the time we picked up he told us "the bee stung me because it loved me. It is my friend."

I told the nurse at the elementary I work at (which the boys will attend) "My child will be like none you have ever met. They will bring him down and he will tell you his leg is broken if it has a tiny scrape, but he won't let you put a bandaid on or ice it."

I know the immediate reaction was the "fight or flight" kicking in. It just makes me so sad that he has to feel pain so intensely. I wish I could ease it for him.

At least he didn't die.

surgery, again

2011-07-13T18:11:00.003-05:00

Well, the ENT confirmed that Jack needs surgery ASAP, so he'll be having surgery to cauterize his nose on Tuesday. Say a prayer for my little guy. I am praying it is easy, and we have no nosebleeds between now and then.

This is his third ENT surgery! I think they're going to put his picture up in the office and name it after him! LOL!

This says it all

2011-07-13T09:22:00.001-05:00

I am not going to lie, it has been a super stressful week. Jack has been a mess, mainly because he keeps having horrible nosebleeds. Today we find out at the ENT what they can do to help him.

This picture says it all: my three boys in the penalty box at Nationwide Arena.

journey

2011-07-06T15:58:00.000-05:00

So I was quiet about it. Secondary infertility. We tried on our own for a mere 6 months this time before starting IUI cycles. As you can imagine, we were petrified that we would have twins again. We decided not to trigger with anything more than one follicle. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. By IUI cycle 3, we had 2, and we bit the bullet and tried it.

Needless to say it didn't matter because all of our treatment cycles were a bust. I was devastated. Sometimes I felt like we were just flushing money down a toilet. I was angry too: at my body, at the clinic which I thought let us down...I made a new plan: save more money and try again in the summer. (2011) I figured it was our last shot.

I felt sooo hungry at Easter. My sister made the most delicious dessert and I couldn't stop eating it. I had lost about 25 pounds over the last 9 months by watching what I ate and trying to eat more veggies. But I was surprised by my appetite and I just felt funny.

The next morning I realized AF was late. I tested, and got a faint positive. I was in shock. After all this time, my body was actually working?!? The test itself was so old, (HA! Thanks again infertility!) we didn't know whether to be excited or not...I was worried it was a false positive. I certainly didn't feel like I had when I was pregnant with the boys.

The next day I took a digital. Positive. Still in shock.

Two betas later, not only am I pregnant but my numbers are REALLY high...as in "are you having multiples?" high.

At 6 weeks I started having doubled-over sobbing cramping. I called my OB and went in to the ER. They drew tons of blood, they did an hour long u/s, and saw no fetal pole. At first they told me it was fine...I could have ovulated late (as I thought) and that was why...but then they got the blood work back and told me I *should* have seen more with the betas as high as they were. (30,000) We were devastated.

A week later I went in to the OB and we saw the heartbeat, but everything was measuring a week behind. Again, she cautioned us not to tell anyone, or get too excited, but it was a step in the right direction.

As of today, everything is measuring on track. I've had 4 ultrasounds, including one level 2, and I'll have the next this week. Strangely, it's still not completely sinking in...it seems so surreal.

Happy Fourth!

2011-07-04T12:51:00.002-05:00

Happy Fourth of July!!!

there's been a reason things have been so quiet....

2011-06-22T22:10:00.003-05:00

And here it is!

I am thrilled to announce that we are expecting baby #3 in December! It has been a very long journey, and we couldn't be more excited. The boys cannot wait for "their" baby to be born! In the beginning they actually thought there were two based off my hormone levels, but thankfully there is only one. I guess I finally have a "taderbaby!"

Sometimes it is so not fair.

2011-06-05T21:41:00.001-05:00

I don't even have words. If you have a moment, please say a prayer, and post a comment, and hug your loved ones a little closer.

http://tipsontriplets.wordpress.com/

Thank heavens!

2011-05-29T17:09:00.002-05:00

School year is almost over, and things are finally winding down. After I finish my 12 page term paper, I will be officially done with my year long program at University of Cincinnati. So far the summer is looking awesome: lots of therapy for the boys (OT, gymnastics, equine) and some pool/zoo/library visits to boot. This is the first time I have had a summer "off" in the last 10 years and I am thrilled!

I promise to update with some pictures tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be procrastinating from writing the paper!

Winner!!!

2011-05-25T20:55:00.002-05:00

Sorry to take so long to post this, but random.org chose #11!

Congrats Nicole! I'll be e-mailing you your free book code! Thanks to everyone for entering!

Reminder-giveaway ends tonight!

2011-05-22T10:54:00.002-05:00

Please don't forget to enter the giveaway below and add a comment for EACH entry method! Giveaway ends tonight at 12 a.m. EST.

Good luck!

Giveaway- Shutterfly!

2011-05-16T20:18:00.003-05:00

If you know me, you know how much I love taking pictures.

Well, that obsession has led to tons of photo projects...books, cards, even jewelry. With it being spring, and with summer just around the corner, now is a great time to think about your spring photo projects.

I couldn't love Shutterfly any more if I tried. I have used them for tons of photo projects, and I continue to use them because of their quality. With the warm weather and kids playing outside more, I have found myself taking TONS of pictures. Even though I am a busy mom, I know it is really important to stop and take time to preserve those memories. Do you know someone looking for awesome baby gifts? Graduation announcements? Shutterfly is the place for you!

The quality is great, the service is excellent, but more importantly, it's the chance to make something out of those treasured photos of your kids. Do it now, this spring, while you have the time. (Don't wait till the end of the year!)

Capture those awesome moments of kids in the sprinkler and playing on the swing set and make them into something special!

Shutterfly has graciously offered me a free 8x8 photo book, but I am offering it up to you, dear readers! I am not being compensated for this giveaway, I do truly love Shutterfly. Here's how you can enter:

Make each a separate comment:

1. What kind of card would you order from Shutterfly? (1 entry)
2. Follow me (1 entry)
3. Follow me on facebook. (1 entry)
4. Tweet about this giveaway. (1 entry)

Giveaway ends at 12:00 pm EST Sunday, May 22nd.

Good luck! Oh...and if you have a blog, sign up for a chance at 50 free cards from Shutterfly yourself!

Will you vote for us?

2011-05-09T18:02:00.001-05:00

I've been chosen as one of the top 25 multiple moms on the web! Will you vote for our blog?

all grown up

2011-04-30T17:57:00.007-05:00

We saved the gift cards Nana and Papa gave the boys for Christmas, and we went to try out some "big boy bikes." Much to our surprise, they were totally ready for 16" bikes with training wheels! They LOVE riding them, and it is so hard to imagine that only 1 year ago they struggled to even ride tricycles!

SPD is NOT Autism.

2011-04-21T09:47:00.006-05:00

There I said it. It might be unpopular, you might not agree, but I am living a life that is telling me otherwise.

Nothing boils my blood more to hear people ask me "is he autistic?" They think he is because they believe Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism (ASD) are one and the same. I could not disagree more.

Autism doesn't "come and go" with sensory events. As we've seen with both boys, but particularly Summy, some days are worlds better than others, but those better/worse days are ALWAYS tied to sensory events. And the swings can be HUGE. Some days he's on task, honed-in and cracking jokes left and right. Some days he's practically catatonic. We have lots more trouble in the winter when they can't get out and get input. Jack's drooling kicks up, he's covered in bruises...but when we get that input, those things stop happening.

I must add the disclaimer that neither of my children has been diagnosed as autistic, so I do not live with autism every day. In my experience as an educator, my autistic students are so much more literal, more concrete. Don't get me wrong, I know Summy can be very literal (ear hats anyone?) but he also has amazing imaginative play schemes, he is able to express his feelings/emotions, ("You are really hurting my feelings and making me sad! See my face?") and he is able to be affectionate spontaneously and often. I am not arguing that some autistic children aren't able to do these things, but from my experiences they aren't able to do them consistently like my boys can. (Or maybe the better way of saying that is "in a way that society expects them to.")

It frustrated me because I "get it" that some (but not all) autistic kids have sensory issues. However I get tired of blanket statements from people that all SPD kids are "on the spectrum." My main reason for arguing this point, besides the fact that I believe SPD should be a separate diagnosis in the DSM V, is that I believe the treatment/therapy model should look different for kids with SPD versus those with autism. From our experiences, you know that the "burst" therapy model has worked amazingly for us. I question if that method would work as well with a child who was diagnosed as only "autistic."

I also have trouble because on a lot of the forums/groups I am in for SPD, most if not all the parents have a kid with autism. Sometimes it is hard to sort the "SPD" stuff from the autism stuff, and often I am left feeling frustrated and unable to connect.

I don't know if kids are being "over" diagnosed as Autistic as some have speculated. Perhaps some of those kids have SPD and have been mislabeled. It will be interesting to see if/when SPD becomes its own standalone diagnosis.

What are your thoughts on the topic? I'd love to hear from you!

happy tears

2011-04-20T20:42:00.002-05:00

TONS of pics to post, just had to tell you that today Summy pooped on the potty. TWICE!

I cried tears of joy. The teachers let him "e-mail" me from special needs preschool this morning to tell me. Then he did it again tonight.

We might actually be beating this encopresis thing!

more beach please!

2011-04-17T16:54:00.016-05:00

I took so many fabulous pictures this weekend, that I am going to post a few more from the beach so I can post even more this week. We've started back with therapies this past week and so far, so good. Tuesday the boys had their first gymnastics class. Our PT "graduated" the boys to gymnastics because they were past the point she could keep pushing them one on one. Unlike anything else we do, therapy-wise, we were not intimately involved, but rather watched. This was SO hard for me. However, they *loved* it. At the end of class the kids got to ride a 2-story zipline. Summy was so good about using his words and asking the teacher "to go slow." She obliged, and I was so proud of him for trying it!

Wednesday brought our first day back riding. The boys were put on different horses this year, and that went over surprisingly better than I thought. Summy had a hard time adjusting to it, and struggled Thursday in particular, but I know it'll get easier as we "get back on the horse" so to speak.

Almost every day they ask when we get to have gymnastics again, or ride horses. I think this week it really hit me just how "grown up" they are becoming. It is really exciting, but also sad.

Included in the pictures are shots with Nana, cousin Emma, and as a disclaimer they begged for the last picture of their "crazy faces!" Enjoy!

bad blogger.

2011-04-10T20:38:00.010-05:00

You can always tell when life is overwhelming me because I fall strangely silent. It's not 'cause there isn't anything going on with me (there is) or the boys, it's just so hard to find enough time to do the day to day things. Tonight I am posting a few beach pics. For the first time ever, Summy played in the sand and the ocean and actually enjoyed it. I am amazed when I look at these pictures-can you believe these are my SPD kids?

p.s. the first picture is SUMMY, and the second is JACK. I realized how much alike they look in these pics!

vacation!

2011-04-03T20:16:00.002-05:00

A little over 2 weeks ago we left to drive to Florida to visit Nana and Papa for spring break. For the first time ever, the boys totally had a blast the whole time (including the beach!) We even made a social story for Summy about going to the beach, which I think helped a lot!

I have tons of fun pictures to update you with, but I am currently swimming in/swamped with homework, schoolwork, student teaching work, and training! Ugh! Promise to do it this week. Still planning on a giveaway as well!

brotherly love

2011-03-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I cannot image being a twin. Here's a few really grainy but sweet pictures I took of the boys after their bath the other night. They were swinging together on their swing.

so proud

2011-03-17T21:21:00.004-05:00

Summy called me into the kitchen the other day because he was so excited that he had written his name on the fridge. I told him "great job" to which he replied,

"go and get your camera!"

Clearly that is a sign I take too many pictures!

Before I could take it, he insisted that he add his brother's name as well.

haircut trauma

2011-03-13T20:09:00.004-05:00

Today I gave the boys haircuts and the evening ended up with me in tears. Sometimes it is so hard to have kids with sensory processing disorder because I feel pain when I see them so upset. I know it is irrational, but I feel like it's my fault, and I am causing the pain. There's just no easy way to cut their hair. It's been something we have struggled with since they were little.

I started out cutting Summy's hair, and he was hysterical about 5 minutes in. He kept trying to grab the scissors and bend his head, which scares me to death that I might accidentally hurt him. By the time I got to the back (his least favorite part) he was totally out of control and sobbing. He kept saying "I am so scared! I am so overwhelmed." My heart hurt.

Then Jack. More tears. Not as bad as Summy, but Summy was taking a break on the couch. (And still not done!) So I moved back to him and we tried bribing him with oreos, a special seat, etc, etc. He jerked his head at one point and now has a giant chunk missing from the back.

I would have, about thirty times during the ordeal, given one of my limbs to make it not hurt them. I know it caused them physical pain even though I wasn't "hurting" them. Sometimes being mommy hurts a lot. I hate haircuts.

there I went, disappearing again!

2011-03-11T21:33:00.002-05:00

Somewhere between full time work, full time school, student teaching while working and a new job opportunity I fell off the face of the earth again. I apologize and promise to do better!

In the meantime, here's a funny from school today. I was talking about Summy and Jack and one of my fourth grade boys looked at me and said "YOU have kids?!? I thought you were a teenager!"

A girl can dream!

Happy 4th Birthday

2011-03-01T21:45:00.003-05:00

The boys had a wonderful birthday, and they had a great party. They got lots of awesome stuff, but most amazingly of all, they turned into little boys overnight.

I completely forgot to post pictures, but I had to share these two. The evening of their birthday I made cupcakes and they each blew out a candle and we all sang. Jack sang for Summy, and Summy sang for Jack. It was so sweet!

Will you vote?

2011-02-26T16:03:00.003-05:00

Would you please click the link below and vote for us? You can vote once a day, and the same link is in the right sidebar towards the bottom of the page

Can you click and vote for us? Pretty please?

http://www.topbabyblogs.com/cgi-bin/topblogs/in.cgi?id=tbonegrl

70,000!

2011-02-25T16:17:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe it.

70,000 visits

100 followers

over 250 followers on facebook

A million thank yous. All of the goals for the blog that I set have been met, so I am setting the bar higher! I'd like to see 150 followers by the end of the year and 90,000 on that counter. Can you help me? If you aren't following, please do so in the sidebar. Also, stay tuned for a giveaway to celebrate!

thank you!!!

To Jack on his 4th birthday

2011-02-15T17:47:00.004-05:00

Dear Jack,

I remember holding you as a baby and now you're just a pile of skinny arms and legs that's full of giggles. I cannot believe how much you have grown in the last year. You are our comedic relief and our little mother hen. Everything and everyone is your "baby" to care for!

You love the color pink. You have always loved it and that has never changed. You love everything sweet. You play so well with your brother and the two of you create amazing imaginary schemes. You also love to make funny faces and make us all laugh. You beg to be tickled.

Your heart is almost too big for your chest, and I worry about the day that someone will break it. You care so much for others that you seem to feel their emotions. We're a lot like each other in that regard. Perhaps that's why you're such a "mama's boy." Don't tell daddy, but I'm secretly thrilled with that! You're so smart, kind, and you genuinely want to make us all so happy. We're so lucky!

You love to sing, love to make your stuffed animals talk in crazy voices, and love to take care of everyone. You're desperate to be a grown up. I cannot believe how grown you are...no longer a toddler, but now a little boy. Thank you for being my son. Happy fourth birthday, Jack.

Love,

Mommy

To Sumner on his 4th birthday

2011-02-15T17:39:00.005-05:00

Dear Sumner,

I cannot believe how much change this year has brought for you. You seem to have gone from toddler to little boy overnight. You have become so caring, so kind, and so funny. You love to tell jokes and make us all laugh. You still love animals so much, especially our cats. Your favorite color is green, and your new favorite food is ham.

You've come along so much during therapy. I remember a little boy who couldn't make eye contact and who we had a hard time getting to hug and kiss us. Now you love to cuddle. Your imagination has blossomed this year too...at any given moment you could be a cat, a pirate, or building a complicated machine. Your stories are elaborate and fantastic.

You worry me sometimes, I am not going to lie. You are so smart and have so much going on in that head of yours, you sometimes don't know how to express it all. Now that you are four, you have spent the whole day asking how much longer until you get to be five and go to kindergarten! I cannot believe how fast time is going.

You have a beautiful singing voice, a contagious laugh, and you make all of us so happy. I am so lucky to have you as a son. Happy, happy birthday to you, my sweet little boy.

Love,

Mommy

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T19:40:00.006-05:00

A lot of love from Summy and Jack to you! Thanks for loving all of us, and caring so much!

The hoplesness of infertility

2011-02-11T18:50:00.002-05:00

I am going to be quite honest.

Part of me feels like I have given up on ever being pregnant again. It would be silly to say that, because every cycle I get excited again, only to have my hopes dashed. I am an optimist. I know I am. I want to be angry and mad, I want to scream. But inside there is that tiny, nagging feeling. I am still, after all this time, hopeful.

Sometimes I wish the hope would go away. Sometimes I feel so stupid for thinking "Oh maybe this is the month!." I just have this feeling I am not done. I can't explain it. I don't know why I feel the way I do. God do I hope it's true.

We started our tax returns and a small part of me got really really excited. We're getting a little bit more back than I expected, due in large part to the crazy amount of money I spent on graduate courses last year, including the new certification I am getting. All I can think about is this summer: new RE, new clinic, and money to spend, hopefully, on IUIs so we can get pregnant.

But then my negativity comes back: what if this is just throwing money down the drain? We don't have money for IVF. If we do a few cycles of IUI this summer and it doesn't work, it might just have to be it.

The thought petrifies me.

I hate the uncertainty. I feel like I am in a constant limbo with a large part of me feeling so stupid to think I might actually get pregnant, and a tiny part of me keeping that flame of hope alive. Sometimes I get so mad, I just want to blow it out so I can move on.

The overwhelming sense of hopelessness is always there. I try to ignore it, but sometimes I feel like a cloud hangs over my head everywhere I go. It nags me: "Why chart? Why temp? Why try?"

I wanted it to be easy for once. I hate that it can't be easy.

I think I hate most of all the horrible mix of emotions and isolation of being infertile. I care so much for others, yet feel angry when friends announce they are pregnant. Those feelings just turn around and make me ashamed. There's no way to win.

I hope I am not pinning my everything on something that will never happen. I just have to get these feelings out, as they have been weighing so heavily on my mind. Thanks for listening.

Winter fun

2011-02-08T19:51:00.005-05:00

Trying to sort through the backlog of pictures before the boys' second birthday! Here are some "fun in the snow" pictures from the last month!

Imaginary Friends

2011-02-06T17:45:00.003-05:00

Apparently our kids have developed imaginary friends in the last week. I have no idea when this phase is supposed to hit, but they frequently refer to them, or ask for things to give them. Often, they tell us what they are doing...

Jack's imaginary friend is a girl named "Lacey," and in true Sumner form, Summy's imaginary friend is named "Sumner." I kid you not. A few days ago Summy said "Sumner has the same last name as me too....and the same birthday!"

I asked him "Well then aren't you and Sumner twins?" and he replied:

"No silly! Jack and I are twins!"

of course!

Snow days!

2011-02-02T21:02:00.011-05:00

I am so sorry it has been so long since I last updated! Not only that, I have pictures from December to take off the camera! I'll be updating with lots of pics over the next week or two!

The last two days we had the day off from school. We had quite a bit of ice, high winds, and then snow. The wind chills are supposed to hit -15 overnight and two area schools are already closed, so the verdict is out for tomorrow. We've been holed up inside for the last 48 hours!

Here's some pictures from today. We made cookies, and while Jack was a big help, Summy just wanted to eat! Our highlight of the day came when the boys rode their see saw down the full flight of stairs. Gone are the days of my kids being "afraid!" (Although somehow Summy tricked Jack into riding, he did the pushing!)

"feeling" kinda gross

2011-01-30T00:09:00.002-05:00

I was in a one person public restroom this evening, and across from me on the wall was a baby changing station, like this, all neatly folded up. On the bottom, I just happened to notice something that REALLY grossed me out.

Instructions in braille.

Am I the only one? I do not think public restroom baby changing station and braille directions right on it mix. Eek.

Melt my heart!

2011-01-23T20:50:00.002-05:00

My husband was consciously trying not to yell today, and at bedtime Jack told him "Daddy, you get a gooey fish (swedish fish, and familiar reward around here) for doing a good job not yelling today."

Then he insisted we all pile on and hug him.

Melted my heart!

The great poo misadventure of 2011

2011-01-18T21:30:00.004-05:00

Soo...

How do you even follow up a title like that? Summy's been hoarding poo for quite a while now...probably something like 4/5 months. Oh, he'd trick us by taking us for a little ride on his "poo roller coaster:" sometimes he'd go a week before going, other times a few days. Just when I would get super worried, he'd go.

On a side note, sometimes I feel like all I deal with is poo and other body functions...if it isn't scooping cat boxes it's "skid marks" in Summy's underwear, or pee all over the bathroom walls because shooting it in zig zag streams is of course hilarious...I digress. This motherhood thing doesn't pay enough!

Last night Summy woke up crying because it had been a good week since he had last gone. I had given him a little something to get him moving on Saturday, but to no avail.

We were up for HOURS while I rubbed his tummy, etc. etc last night. No fun. And of course, I began to worry.

So I called the pediatrician, and the nurse was indignant with me on the phone: "What do you mean he hasn't gone in a week?" (you horrible mother!) "Are you sure he didn't go an you didn't know about it?" (because clearly you work and that could have happened!)

So after the guilt tripping, I set up an appointment.

Long story short, this is serious. Our kid has serious sensory issues, and a serious poo logjam up in there. And there was only one remedy prescribed.

So we went to no less than 4 locations to find said remedy. (And in the car, Sumner questioned: will the poo medicine go in my mouth? (no) Well how will I get it then?!?) Ok, ok, I'll admit, I might have laughed a little bit at this part, or at least until tears streamed down my face.

Two boxes of pediatric enema later, Sumner gave birth. Now, we must give him medicine to force him to poo daily, for months, possibly upwards of years.

I told my husband in the car: this is the stuff marriages are built on. One day we will look back and say, "these were the best days of our lives!"

Or something like that.

" I didn't even cover my ears"

2011-01-15T13:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday while we were driving in the car, an ambulance and fire truck came roaring past us.

After the had gone by, Summy exclaimed:

"MOM!! The fire truck went by and I didn't even cover my ears!"

2010 in photos

2011-01-04T21:24:00.023-05:00

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November (Thanksgiving feast at special needs preschool)

December

What my son taught me about SPD

2011-01-01T17:20:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a hard day for Sumner.

We went to a Japanese steakhouse for my little sister's birthday. Sumner started worrying as soon as he heard where we were going, and his big concern was that they were going to "make a fireplace" on the table. (This is part of the cooking/show of the meal.) He kept telling me "Mommy, it is too bright! I am so scared of it! What will I do? Can we go to another restaurant? Please?"

We talked about what we might do ahead of time to plan and prepare: sunglasses, covering his face, wearing a weight belt...

He decided to wear his new Iron Man helmet that Santa brought to help protect him from the "fireplace." He was anxious in the car the whole way there, and he was hesitant to even sit at the table. He started whining/fussing as soon as we sat down. Unfortunately they seated us between two tables, both preparing to start the lunch "show."

In the end, I covered his eyes and face with my hand. After the first fire, he became desperate to cover his face through the second fire. (Delayed by a few minutes.) His senses were clearly heightened and after the meal, he wanted to go around the table to talk to family, but told me he was "afraid of the fans" (vents in the ceiling) and had to hold my hand to go around the table.

Outside in the lobby we had cake. As the singing began, Sumner refused to sing, and when it concluded, the meltdown began. Both David and I took turns taking him outside, and I even tried jumping with him and letting him push the wall. He was too far gone for it to help.

I took him in the bathroom, and he looked up at me with huge sad eyes and said "Mama, this place scares me. I am so scared."

My heart broke into a million pieces right there. I cannot fathom how the entire meal felt to him: how overwhelmed he was, how his body went on hyper alert, and how his SPD felt. We left, and he struggled the remainder of the day, and most of today too, but for one minute I saw in his eyes everything: that he was completely overwhelmed and didn't know what to do to make it stop.

The story is awful, and just a snapshot at what both of the boys must deal with every day. There were bright spots here too that I can't ignore: we planned ahead. He was able to tell me what he was afraid of. He really did well considering. But for a moment I wished I could scoop him up and put him in a cave where there was no sensory input and let him hide. The thing is, I know that won't do him any good. This day is just the tip of the iceberg as to what he'll face every day, and running away from sensory things won't help.

Sumner's sensory over-responsiveness is not always a bad thing. He is an amazing singer and always sings on pitch. He notices things that no one else would. The world is very beautiful through his eyes, and he frequently says things that make me stop and see things in a different way. I just have to keep thinking of ways to give him every tool in my arsenal to help him prepare for things that will overwhelm him, and deal with the unexpected.

I planned to do a year in review picture post today, but this has been weighing heavily on my mind. I'll post it tomorrow.

Blogging Goals for 2011

2011-01-01T13:08:00.002-05:00

I am posting these to be more accountable. The following are my blogging goals for 2011:

1. To become more connected to other bloggers. I vow to comment more, read more, and try to connect to others, particularly other SPD bloggers and moms.

2. To hit 100,000 on that page view bar down there!

3. To blog more about SPD

4. To start writing a book about my experiences.

5. To get 100 followers. Heck, possibly even 200 if I set my bar really high.

Happy New Year, may 2011 be a wonderful one for us all!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T13:29:00.001-05:00

We have a lot to be thankful for! I am so thankful to all of you, and your continued support and love for our boys and I. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

Epidemic?

2010-12-22T15:19:00.003-05:00

Something has been bothering me since our visit with Santa at the Easter Seals. We went and the boys played in the sensory gym for over and hour. The event lasted 3 hours. In all that time, we only saw ONE girl there to see Santa. All the rest were boys.

As a teacher, I work with children with autism, sensory issues, mental illness, ADD, ADHD...and while some are girls, overwhelmingly the majority are boys. What is happening to our boys? What are so many more boys diagnosed with autism than girls?

I understand that there is a genetic link. I have to ponder though: what about the life we are living now has changed, and how is it changing our kids, particularly our boys?

A while back I read the book The Out of Sync Child, especially when I was trying to learn more about my own boys' SPD. It surmised that because kids no longer "worked the field" and got muscular input, or heavy work, sensory issues have started to become more prevalent.

So is it t.v. and video games? Our society has certainly moved to a digital age...people send notes on facebook rather than send Christmas Cards and tweet when they are traveling, sick, or even cooking dinner.

Is it our food? Toxins, pesticides, plastics, high fructose corn syrup...so much more now than before. Is it what we are eating? Are preservatives, and additives, and chemicals neurologically damaging?

I realize my children were preemies, and a product of infertility treatments. Higher order multiples, IVF, IUI, and an increase in prematurity and the maternal death rate in the US all make me wonder. Is it the way babies are being born, the environment, (NICU) or a combination of both?

Whatever it is, it scares me. It scares me that we are losing boys to the great unseen: that your baby may appear totally "normal" and instead may end up with a host of health concerns. I thought I did it all right: I breastfed, much longer than most. I fed them healthy foods. I sang to them, and wore them and we started therapy asap. But I am scared that the epidemic is more than that: that we are losing our boys to something we have not yet put our finger on. I am scared for what it means for future generations, as well as our generation, if we can't pinpoint what exactly it is.

A visit with Santa!

2010-12-19T23:31:00.004-05:00

Yesterday we got to go and visit with a special sensory sensitive Santa. It was hosted through a local Easter Seals organization, and to prepare, we filled out a sheet about the boys' special needs, and even read them a social story.

We went and the building was amazing. They had a sensory gym (the boys were over the moon to see it) that had been donated by the Columbus Blue Jackets. My mind immediately began questioning if something similar could be done in our county's BDD building, but I digress. (The seed is planted, and I plan to contact them...)

They had a blast playing in the room. (Complete with tons of swings, OT equipment, a ball pit, adaptive bikes, slides, and even a mini locker room with bluejackets equipment!) I'll post pics of all that tomorrow.

We had an appointment with Santa, so the boys went in and although Jack wasn't keen on sitting on his lap at first, (remember last year's incident?) he eventually warmed up, and although we didn't get a smile at first, Santa did later get some hugs. After briefly sitting on his lap, they played in the room while Santa talked to them. (The people there wanted them to get a chance to get comfortable without rushing them, particularly Jack.) The boys then both went back and gave a hug.

Summy asked for an "Iron Man toy" and Jack asked for a "Choo Choo Train toy."

They played some more, and on the way home in the car, Jack told me "that was a special Santa, a quiet Santa!"

All of the volunteers and workers were amazing! I cried when we were leaving the room with Santa...it was such a better experience than we had ever had. I am so thankful we got a chance to take part in it!

Special thanks to Ryan Glaze Photography for the pictures!

santa

2010-12-18T13:02:00.002-05:00

Sensory sensitive santa went so well today, I cried. I cannot wait to write more about it/post pics soon. First positive santa experience ever. I don't even know what to say!

Will you vote for us?

2010-12-13T22:03:00.001-05:00

A photo of us is in the running in a shutterfly photo contest. Will you vote for us? Pretty please?

http://contest.shutterfly.com/contests/showentry/668509

thank you!

heartbroken.

2010-12-09T19:06:00.003-05:00

I just got off the phone with a family member. Now, we didn't tell a lot of people, hardly any honestly, about the fact that we did three infertility rounds this past summer. But I shared it with him tonight. And I was devastated to hear his disappointment. Not in the fact that I didn't get pregnant, but that I even tried.

A lot of times I don't even let myself think about how much I'd like another baby. Part of me feels so selfish knowing that there are other people who try and try and have no children to show for it. I feel like I should be thankful for the two I have. But another nagging part of me is angry. I met a woman today who casually laughed and told me about her three boys, and how she's been trying to talk her husband into a fourth. How she loves being home (don't even get me started on the insinuated working-mom-guilt) and how she just wants to keep procreating and poppin' kids out. (okay, I might be exaggerating a little bit here, but you get my point.) She topped it off by chuckling "We got pregnant three weeks after we got married!" (Please hear this phrase and imagine an excited, cheerful, laughing voice...ha ha!)

I was pissed. I'll be honest. I wish I could sneeze and become pregnant. (Okay, well that might not be the best idea, but you get my drift.) I wish I could not hear about how I should leave it "in God's hands" or "just relax." Seriously? I cannot fathom that God wouldn't want me to have another child if I wanted one.

I wanted him to be sad for me, to comfort me, to understand me. That it feels like flushing money away. That I secretly worry at night that I am being selfish for even trying. That I worry that I am asking too much. That I should be happy with what I have. That getting pregnant again might be more like risking my life again.

It makes me question myself sometimes. Am I right to want this?

Daddy

2010-12-04T21:14:00.006-05:00

Jack has really taken to his baby Elmo doll he got as an infant. All of the sudden, he goes everywhere with us: in the car, to the store, and in the case of today, to therapeutic horseback riding!

Jack alternately calls him his "baby sister" or "brother" depending on the day. (I could get into a whole other post about how sad that makes me, especially as we are about to "celebrate" officially TTC for a year now and entering the world of infertility, again.) However, he has an undying love for baby Elmo, he tells people, even strangers, about him everywhere he goes. (Baby Elmo sleeps while Jack goes to school.)

He is baby Elmo's "daddy." It is heartwarming to see how caring he is, especially as he feeds him, changes his diaper, and covers him up.

Today at the end of the session, Elmo got to "ride" around the arena with Jack. He was thrilled.

Potty Training Frustration

2010-11-27T20:11:00.002-05:00

Our kids are "potty trained."

However, Summy has started hoarding his poo. I know there's a medical term for it, and so far we've not discussed it much with the doctor. I know it is because of his sensory processing disorder. It is just.so.frustrating. He'll sometimes go as long as a week before unleashing something that looks like it needs to be named.

ew.

However, it gets very tiring. He's pretty good at not going at school or daycare. He's not afraid of automatic flushers anymore, he's not afraid of public bathrooms. He just won't let it out.

So I ask you special needs moms out there...anyone else with a similar situation? Advice?

Shutterfly Photo Card Review

2010-11-18T19:47:00.002-05:00

Hi all!

I just posted a review of Shutterfly's Photo Cards on my review blog! Hop on over and check it out! If you're a blogger, find out how you can review them too!

This post moved me

2010-11-14T17:37:00.000-05:00

This post moved me so much, I just had to share:

Seeing Past What it Seems

"What's it to you, Minerva?"

2010-11-13T16:54:00.002-05:00

As a child, I can remember my Meemaw saying "What's it to you, Minerva?"

You see, my Aunt's husband's mother (My aunt's MIL if you follow) was named Minerva. And apparently she is nosy. So my Meemaw used to say it any time someone asked something that really wasn't any of their business, or crossed a line they shouldn't have.

At a meeting on Tuesday I was talking about the boys with a coworker. She was very surprised to hear they were in special needs preschool. She asked "What is wrong with them?"

I replied, "Fine and gross motor delays, they both have sensory processing disorder, and social/emotional delays."

She responded, "We'll it's okay though, they'll grow out of them because they were premature, right?"

To which I replied, "Probably not, but we're okay with that. It's who they are."

What did I really want to say? "What's it to you, Minerva?"

great article!

2010-11-12T19:37:00.001-05:00

http://cmotc.blogspot.com/2010/11/confessions-of-screamer.html

"Confessions of a Screamer"

horseback riding!!

2010-11-06T18:10:00.010-05:00

I am going to try hard to get some of my backlog of pictures up here! These are some pics I took of the boys riding about a month ago. They enjoy it so much, love "their" horses, and are really doing well at it! Jack's steering and using his reins a lot, and Sumner's awesome at two point "jumps."

Sumner's horses' name is Chip. Jack was riding a horse named Lucky, but Lucky pulled a muscle during a session a few weeks ago, and so Jack started riding Sam. Jack asked at home that night if HE hurt Lucky, and it broke my heart! The boys particularly love to feed the horses cookies that they buy at the grocery.

Almost everyone you see in the pictures are volunteers. All of them are WONDERFUL with the kids too. It looks like we will still be able to ride all the way up into December! Today's ride was cold (in the 40s) but they still enjoyed it!

Sumner's horse, Chip

Sumner and Beth, one of the awesome volunteers

Jack petting a horse

the arena

our cowboys

View from Jack's perspecitve

Jack stretches

Sumner rides backwards

the stable

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T20:43:00.003-05:00

The boys went as Phineas and Ferb this year, complete with a stuffed Perry, and David was Dr. Doofenschmirtz while I was Candace. While I worried about making a "Phineas and Ferb Costume" per se, and my attempt at sewing satin made me realize I have no hope on project runway, it all turned out well in the end!

Happy Halloween everyone!

swing, swing, swing!

2010-10-21T22:01:00.017-05:00

I am totally backlogged on pictures, and I apologize for that. However, I'd like to post pictures of our swing mounts/swings. We paid 75.00 for parts and labor to have the swing mounts installed in the ceiling. (which I think is a total deal!) He used lag bolts into the support beams, and the swings can easily hold both children, each of us, or our entire family!

The last pictures are, of course, the boys having a blast in/on the swings. We have used them almost daily since the mounts were installed. They will especially come in handy in the winter.

Finally, we feel so blessed that our county board of developmental disabilities is one of the best in the U.S. When they called and asked us if the boys could come up on stage and "cut the ribbon" and dedicate their new facility, we were beyond thrilled. I can't wait to go tomorrow and tour their new building, and I'll take lots of pictures!

lots going on!

2010-10-10T18:29:00.002-05:00

I have so much to update you on: therapeutic horseback riding, pumpkin picking x2, so much...

but until then, this week has been full of ups and downs. I celebrated my 32nd birthday on Thursday, and we had the swing mounts officially installed in our house. Now the boys can swing to their heart's content! I can't wait to post pictures...we hired an amazing carpenter and he did beautiful work. Wheat made me so sad: instead of ordering the roping and carabiners from a famous name special needs catalog, we went to our local climbing store to see what they had. What we found: what we would have paid over 500.00 for in the catalog cost us 33.00. It makes me sick how people can take advantage of kids with special needs.

Summy's had an up and down week with his behavior. Both boys have been having sleep trouble. I am hoping that we have a better go at next week! We're making an appointment for Jack for what might be ear tube surgery number 3. His second set has worked their way out and we are finding hearing issues again. I'll keep you updated.

Hope everyone out there in blogland had a wonderful weekend!

laugh out loud

2010-10-01T19:03:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry, but this made my day today. I had to go to urgent care, and Jack went in to use the bathroom. On the door were two signs: a no smoking sign, and this one. (My kids have been obsessed lately with the "no" signs.) Jack pointed to the first one and said: "Look mommy! No smoking!" Then, and only in a music teacher's house would your kids say this, he pointed to this sign and said:

"Look mommy! No trombones!"

Apple Picking 2010

2010-09-28T20:33:00.002-05:00

I have more, but just wanted to post this one...

counting to 30...

2010-09-26T19:59:00.001-05:00

...Summy style:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, ,22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014.

Apple Picking at Lynd's - 2010

2010-09-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

My brother in law has done it again! I haven't had time to download the pics of apple picking yet, or convert the pics of the therapeutic horseback riding session, but he made an AWESOME video of apple picking yesterday. Be sure to watch past the credits!

thank you.

2010-09-19T22:41:00.002-05:00

Thank you for your kind words, both on the blog, and through e-mails and messages. I would be lying if I told you that last week in church I didn't see a pregnant woman and have the most unholy of thoughts. I felt that jealousy rear its ugly head, and my breath was taken away. I know I haven't been honest with myself about how devastated I am, and hopeless I now feel. Your kindness has really helped me feel better. Knowing people care about me means a lot. Thank you.

The boys had their first therapeutic horseback riding session yesterday and as soon as I can figure out how to post pics my husband took with his iphone, I will. It was definitely hard on Summy emotionally, and hard on Jack physically. But ultimately it was good for both of them.

sadness

2010-09-11T16:12:00.003-05:00

I debated whether I should post anything about this, we have been very private this go-round with our infertility issues.

However, I'm so sad, and it's so awful. Infertility is no better the second time around. We've used all the money we have on cycle after cycle of treatments, and I just found out yesterday (the last cycle we could afford) that it was all a bust.

I know I have my boys to look at, to cuddle, and to love. I am infinitely thankful for that. But I know I am not done having children. I do not know if I will ever be able to have another, and that devastates me. I am tired of charting, tired of temping, tired of shots, and tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests.

It has been a very rough week. A large part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and avoid the world. The other half of me is putting on a happy face and just moving on. My heart is crying. I hate being infertile.

good lord people!

2010-09-08T21:55:00.002-05:00

60,000.

That's right, 60,000!

I can't believe it! Wahoo, hip hip hooray, and all that jazz!

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring. Thanks.

Here's to 60,000 more!

As always, please feel free to comment: concerns, thoughts, questions, random musings, or even a hello will suffice.

back to school!

2010-09-04T15:45:00.004-05:00

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind as both the boys and I have returned back to school. They started special needs preschool this past Tuesday with the same teacher, but at a different school. Their new school is much closer to our house, which means a shorter bus ride. Thank heavens!

So far they have settled in really well, and I know it's because of the continuity of the teacher and aide. They also switched rooms at their daycare and both of their new teachers are AMAZING. For the first time, I felt totally fine leaving them to go to work, and the transition has been mostly without bumps.

Ah, the bumps. Potty training was full steam ahead, and then they started their new preschool room. All of the sudden, the pee was flying and they were having accidents again! However, once special needs preschool started on Tuesday, things have been back to normal. (Thank heavens!)

We're looking forward to curriculum night next week and getting to meet their new OT and hear more about the day to day of their preschool classroom. It looks as well that we might finally get to start therapeutic horseback riding!